The Three Stages of Love
by Love2Love
Summary: Blaise Zabini never really imagined that he would fall in love with his best friend. And yet, here he is. No one ever told him it would be easy, but they sure as heck didn't say it would be this hard. BZTN.
1. Stage One: Comprehension

**December 19****th****, 2007: I am posting this.**

_**Reason for attempt: I've looked for fics with this pairing and there aren't too many. So I decided I may as well just write one as a side project, even if I don't post it. And then we're here. If you're reading this, I suppose I posted it. XD. Oh, and I wrote the author's notes from the days I was writing this and I'm not changing them, so the author's notes won't be the direct present.**_

_**Title: Just a little something I made up as a joke with my friend (she's not a fanfictioner, shame) but it was realization, denial and acceptance. This is a variation. Oh, and the summary probably sucks I'll probably change it. XD.**_

_**Author's Note: I've never actually written slash before. It is the 20**__**th**__** of November right now, 2007. I don't know when/ if I'm posting this so it's a reference for me. Please be nice if you decide to review! Oh and for those of you who read my story, this is probably the gap between the 12**__**th(HOH)**__**and the 23**__**rd(Initiation)**__** chapters.**_

_**Only disclaimer I'll make for this story: I DO NOT OWN IT! **_

_**Chapter dedication: To Q8iya, who is not only an amazing friend but was an excellent beta for this story. Oh, and for the moral support too, because I might not have finished if she hadn't said she would read anything I wrote. XD. Hugs! **_

_**Oh, and finally THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! (And the rest of the parts are this long, give or take a few paragraphs, too).**_

**Comprehension**

Blaise groaned and rolled over as someone tried to shake him awake. Unconsciously he lifted a hand and swatted them away, burying his head deeper into his pillow. "Leave me alone."

"Come _on_ Blaise!" Theodore said, grabbing his flailing wrist and using his other hand to pull back the blankets from Blaise's body. "Wake up!"

"I'm up! I'm up!" He exclaimed grumpily, sitting up and grabbing the blankets back. "Now go away so I can sleep."

"You're going to be late for class, and you'll miss breakfast." Theodore warned him, giving up the tug of war over the green comforter.

"I'm coming! God, calm down, man," he snapped.

The black haired boy smirked. "Hurry up, Draco's already left."

"Screw him," Blaise mumbled, clambering off his bed and stumbling to his trunk. He dug out a set of clean robes and changed into them quickly.

"Yeah yeah," Theodore said, suddenly cross, "I'm sure you have."

"Who do we have first?" He'd missed what Theodore had said in his haste to pull his shirt over his head. Even though it was November, Blaise still didn't know their class schedule. All he knew was that he and Theodore had every class together, and that was enough for him.

"Cranne's first today," Blaise grinned, "yeah. So hurry up. Oh, and here's the book you wanted me to lend you."

"Thanks." Without brushing his brown hair Blaise grabbed his wand, tossed the book in his bag and threw open the door to their Common Room. "Let's go, I'm starved."

"You're horrible when you wake up." Theodore informed him. "Some woman is going to be very annoyed with you when you're married."

"Yeah," Blaise said, resisting the urge to say '_or man.'_ He'd come out as bisexual at the end of their sixth year, last year, but only to the Slytherins and they'd decided to keep it quiet. The other houses remained oblivious. He figured Theodore probably didn't feel like getting into the big sexuality discussion with him yet. They'd skimmed over it briefly, not to mention awkwardly, the previous year. But that was with the other members of the sixth year Slytherins. He'd had to assure them that he was not attracted to any of them, nor did he check any of them out, nor was he turned on by the sight of them changing (Draco was the one who asked that). Eventually it was almost back to normal. Almost.

People were already filtering out of the Great Hall when they arrived and Draco smirked at them as they reached the Slytherin table. "Cutting it a bit close, are we?"

"Yeah, I just love the thrill that comes with the threat of being late for class." Blaise said sarcastically.

"Oh is that it? I thought maybe you two were snogging in our dormitory or something." Draco said, drinking some coffee.

Blaise froze up a bit, glancing at Theodore. He appeared unfazed. "It's even funnier the second time. Or is it third? No, more like twenty-fifth. There's no need to worry, Draco."

Relieved and ignoring Theodore's last comment, which didn't make much sense, Blaise buttered some toast quickly and made a small stack in a napkin. "We can eat on the way."

The three of them stood up and headed to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom in good spirits. Professor Cranne always taught the best lessons, he believed more in the practical side of learning and didn't favor any particular house. He'd informed Blaise after class that he was a very promising student.

"Slytherins," he heard Ron's voice hiss as they passed the 'Golden Trio'.

He sneered at them, murmuring, "who called for the Blood Traitors?" In Theodore's ear, loud enough for only the two males to hear since Hermione's head was stuck in the book they'd had to read for their class. Ron and Harry pulled out their wands and Hermione's hand shot out in front of them instinctively.

Draco chuckled and they turned into class before them. It still surprised him that Ron and Harry managed to make NEWT level classes. Not Hermione though, she was annoyingly smart.

"Good morning class." Professor Cranne said as they took their seats at the back left of the classroom. "As I informed you on Friday, today is our mock duel class. I hope you read the assigned pages, because if you didn't you're not participating." A few people took out the questions assigned for the reading, proving there was nothing stopping them from doing it.

"I've sorted you into pairs, please stand with your partners. Mr Weasley with Mr Potter please," the two boys grinned at each other, "Mr Malfoy and Ms Granger," Theodore hissed hissed sympathy for Draco as he made a show of taking a deep breath before going over to stand with her, "Mr Nott and Mr Zabini." Theodore turned to smile at him, shifting a bit closer.

Of course, since he'd heard his name he let his attention slide away from the partner picking. Instead he glared at Ron, who engaged in a staring contest with him until Harry mouthed, 'piss off' to him and pulled Ron around to face him.

"Did you read the pages?" Theodore asked him, leaning over him to snatch up Blaise's bag.

"Yeah, I take it you didn't?" He said, paying an enormous amount of attention to Theodore's hand that was resting on his shoulder.

"How'd you guess?" Theodore said and pulled out his answers, scanning them. "Its pretty simple stuff."

"Yeah, unless I accidentally blow up your head and we don't know how to reverse it." Blaise muttered.

"No offense, but I don't think you're that skilled. Besides, that is what the teacher is here for." He scribbled down significantly smaller duplications of Blaise's answers and thrust the sheet back at him. "Thanks."

"Of course," he said dryly.

"Now, please get with your partner and have one person line up along this wall," Cranne gestured at the wall with no windows, "and the other person along this line."

They looked at the floor and saw that he had drawn a red line through the center of the room. Slowly they trickled into formation, Blaise taking the position against the wall.

"Now, lets review our reading. Mr. Nott, what was the first step you are required to do?"

"Er… he glanced at the piece of paper containing his copied answer. "You check them out."

There was a collective snigger as Cranne smiled. "Okay, Mr. Zabini?" He straightened from his slouch when his name was called. "Would you please demonstrate the proper way to 'check out' Mr. Nott?"

He felt his skin heat up as he blushed. Draco nudged him in the ribs. "Hurry up, I want to hex Granger."

He glanced at Cranne and then looked at Theodore, who was grinning at him. "Well you kind of…look them up and down…" He scanned Theodore's body quickly, "then you locate their wand…" He glanced at Theodore's empty hands and shot him a questioning look.

"You might have to look a bit deeper." Theodore smirked, waggling his eyebrows at Blaise. Embarrassed, he flushed and gave his friend an annoyed look. "Fine, fine." He pulled his mahogany wand from his pocket.

"And then you lock eyes with them and bow." He said, looking into Theodore's eyes and glared. He always wished his eyes were more like Theodore's instead of plain dark blue. The bowed to each other, and the teal eyes matching his gaze sparkled mischievously.

"Very good. Now Ms Turpin, why is eye contact important?"

He sighed and leaned back against the wall, which apparently made him look very sexy. He hated being put on the spot like that, unlike both Draco and Theodore. Of course, they were both aware of this and enjoyed laughing about it at his expense. He was perfectly capable of being in the spotlight and responding well to it. He just preferred not to.

"Its important because…well if you look away they could, like, take advantage of that and, like, attack you. Plus it kind of, you know, creeps them out if you stare at them."

"Exactly. Who attacks first? Mr Potter?"

"Whoever is faster."

"Correct. Ms Granger, what is the important thing to remember about dueling from the emotional aspect?"

"You have to separate the more empathic emotions from yourself or your opponent will use it to their own advantage." Hermione spouted, giving her usual text book style answer.

"Excellent." He smiled at them. "Remember, you're all above disarming spells but if anyone gets hurt you will be kicked out of class and will have a visit to the Headmaster, where your punishment will be decided. Be wary of the people around you… go!"

He turned to face Theodore and looked him up and down again. A quick glance showed his wand was held loosely in his left hand.

"You know you're pretty good at checking out people." Theodore smirked, letting his eyes travel up and down Blaise's body quickly. Suddenly he felt awkward and self conscious. They locked eyes and bowed slowly. He whipped his wand around in front of him, "_furnunculus!" _

Theodore ducked and responded quickly. "_Heliahm_!"

Blaise dodged to the side (narrowly avoiding Draco as he waved his wand in a complex movement) and did a 360, shooting another spell back at him.

Theodore pivoted and ducked all at once, then jumped to his feet and twirled his wand effortlessly. "_Stupefy_!" Blaise decided that Theodore looked really good in motion and wondered why he'd never actually noticed this when he sometimes watched him in Quidditch practice, his hair looked amazing, caressing his forehead like that...

-

"Ouch." He mumbled as he opened his eyes. He was lying on the floor and Theodore's grinning face was staring down at him. He shut his eyes again, murmuring something along the lines of, 'I never want to wake up to _that_ again.'

"That was, by far, one of the fastest duels I've ever had in my class." Cranne's voice said, sounding amused. To Blaise's mortification he realized the entire class was watching. "Good job Mr Nott. Five points to Slytherin."

Theodore smirked, "thank you, sir."

"I noticed you didn't respond to Mr Nott's last spell, did something distract you?"

"No!" He exclaimed, remembering how he'd been mesmerized by Theodore's hair. His _hair_! Of all things.

"Okay," Theodore sniggered, "then you're horrible at dueling."

"I suppose I am."

Looking slightly disconcerted by that response, he offered Blaise his hand. Ignoring the gesture he sighed. "The whole class is watching, aren't they?" Of course, he'd already established that fact, he only wanted reassurance that he hadn't damaged his head. Well maybe he had prior this incident, he'd stood there staring at Theodore's hair while he was under attack. How stupid could you get?

"Yeah, actually they are." Theodore laughed, taking his hand away.

"Great."

"Be a man." Draco smirked, staring down at his friend lying on the floor.

"I _am _a man." He snapped, "one who doesn't live for attention."

"Well you're nearly always with me, and I am so devastatingly handsome people can't look away. Naturally they're going to look at you too. Then they're going to puzzle over why someone as amazingly sexy as myself has a best friend as stunningly unattractive as you."

He frowned and felt anger bubbling up. "Shut up." He made to stand up and Theodore held his hand out. Shoving it out of the way he got up by himself and glared around at the class. "What?"

They all shrugged and slowly went back to their mock duels. Blaise turned quickly when Theodore rested his arm on his shoulder. "Ready to lose again?" Blaise shrugged out of the hand and glared at him, turning to Professor Cranne.

"I'm not feeling very well, must have been the fall. Can I go to the Hospital Wing?"

Cranne looked at Theodore with a slight smile, "if your partner obliges…"

"I'm sure that since he's so good he will be able to join a group of three and take on two at once." Blaise said stiffly, "Weasley and Potter might be good opponents."

Theodore gave him a 'what the hell is up with you' look as Cranne grinned jovially and led him to the said males. He smirked at him and then turned to leave. So what if he was overreacting? Theodore just got so damn annoying sometimes.

He didn't actually go to the Hospital Wing, instead he decided to go back to their Common Room. They had double Defense Against the Dark Arts first and then lunch, so he had half the day to himself.

With a sigh he threw himself onto his bed, he had some sleep that needed catching up on…

-

"What is up with you?" Theodore hissed, shaking him violently awake.

"Go away." Blaise growled, shoving him away and pulling the covers over his head.

"Why did you leave?" He pulled them back, "you're such a moody prat."

"I'm not moody." Blaise snapped, glaring at Theodore. "I just don't want to be around you right now."

"Honestly," Theodore gave an exasperated sigh. "Did I make you feel sad, Zabini? Did I hurt your feelings? Because if I did, you seriously need to get a grip."

He took his pillow and threw it at Theodore's head, taking the time in which Theodore caught it with both hands to pull the blankets back over his head.

"Why are you so immature?" Theodore growled, circling the bed and pulling the blankets off him at the end of the bed and threw them to the floor.

"Why can't you leave me alone!" He sat up, shaking his tussled hair out of his eyes. "I am so sick of you."

"Ouch, that one hurt." Theodore said sarcastically, folding his arms across his chest. "If I'd known in first year that my best friend was going end up a moody queer I might have reconsidered my choice."

Blaise felt his jaw drop and stiffened, staring at his friend in shock. He felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. A moody queer? Was that what he was now? "Fuck off Nott."

"What?" Theodore asked, surprised. What had he said that caused Blaise to shout at him? Blaise was storming from the room and he jumped forward, catching his wrist.

"Don't touch me." Blaise said frostily. "You might get _moody queer_ germs."

He let go and watched as the door was thrown open and his best friend stalked through it and stomped down the stairs. "Oh." That had come out wrong.

-

Blaise spent the rest of the day with Draco. He ate lunch with him but refused to tell him why he was upset. "I'm not upset." He'd snapped, "I'm pissed off."

"Of course, there's such a big difference," Draco had said, rolling his eyes. "Did you and Theodore have a lover's quarrel?"

"That's not funny." He'd hissed, biting into a sandwich more viciously then necessary. Draco had given him a piercing look and then looked away, leaving him alone for the rest of lunch.

In Potions he sat at a table with Draco and Pansy, leaving Theodore with Crabbe and Goyle near the back. He made his potion diligently, laughing as Draco insulted the Gryffindors and Snape docked points from them for retaliating.

In Herbology he worked with Draco on repotting the massive supply of baby Venomous Tentaculas. Though he did laugh rather nastily when Theodore was bitten.

In History of Magic (why did he take that at NEWT level again? Oh yeah, he and Theodore had taken it together so they could do whatever they wanted during that class and make it seem like they were doing work) he simply slept. He didn't dream, which he was thankful for because he talked in his sleep.

And then at dinner he stabbed his food and scowled at it as Theodore and Draco had an animated conversation about Quidditch. No attempt to include him! Of course, he would have come up with a witty remark as to exactly why he didn't want to while shooting his best death look at Theodore(which was very effective, a fifth year Gryffindor actually starting crying when he did it to them. In fact, Theodore took a picture of him doing it, just for referral).

He stood up abruptly, "I'm going to the Common Room. See you later, Drake." Referring to the nickname he'd taken to calling Draco a few years ago meant he was in a _mood_, as people referred to his unstable mood swings.

As he turned away he was certain he heard Draco say, "smooth, Nott. Really smooth," though he couldn't be certain. Instead of going to the Common Room as he'd said, he found himself walking into the library. This really wasn't a surprise, he always came here after dinner. When he came in there, he never read. He pulled a book off the shelf, hid in a secluded corner and pretended to read while letting his thoughts run amok. The only person who he'd ever met in there was Hermione Granger. She was the only one who went far enough back to where he was, where the really serious academic books were

At first they nearly always saw each other. They didn't talk though, Hermione might ask him if he'd seen a book on who knows what and he might point vaguely at a shelf, saying he might've caught a glimpse of it. They acknowledged each other's presence with nods and the occasional smile if they were having good days. If Hermione couldn't reach a book, instead of getting the ladder she would ask if he could please get it. He would respond that yes, he would get it and she would reply with a smile and a 'thanks'.

But then she would go back to her table, he would go back to his and they would leave each other alone. About a month ago he'd walked slowly over to his table and cleared his throat, tapping the table top with his fingers. She'd looked up, her eyebrows raised. "Hello?"

"Granger…" he'd said slowly, "this is my table."

She'd looked mildly surprised, "oh, yes I know."

"And you're sitting in it." He'd pressed on, keeping his tone snappy.

"You're not usually here on Fridays." She'd said, "and this was my table before you started coming here."

"It was?" He'd asked dubiously, if it had been him he would have told her to get the hell out.

"Yeah." She'd said, looking down at her book. "This is really interesting, so if you want to you can sit here and if you don't you can sit at another table. I don't have time for silly inter-house rivalries right now."

"Er, right." He'd said, not moving. Five minutes passed as he stood there and stared at her reading, her eyes moving quickly across the page.

"Look, you're really distracting me." She'd finally snapped, " will you either sit down or leave."

"Fine," he'd said, snatching a book off the shelf and collapsing into a chair across from her. The next three hours were passed in complete silence. They didn't look at each other, talk to each other or acknowledge each other. They were just there. Finally he'd stood up and put the book away. "See you here tomorrow?"

She hadn't looked up, "yes."

That was how their strange relationship had formed. Every day after dinner he would go to the library, sit there and think while staring at his book in case Madame Pince decided to come over. Of course she didn't, because Hermione was there and she was like a bright little angel to the staff. It went like this:

"Hi." Hermione would say without looking up.

"Hi." He would grab a book from a shelf and sit down. "How was your day?"

She would answer with a "fine," "okay," or "Ron and I got in a fight." Sometimes it would be something pertaining to her grades like, "I got an outstanding on my essay today."

He would say, "that's good," or "about what?" or "not surprising."

"How about yours?" She still wouldn't have looked away from her book.

"Fine," "I had a fight with Draco/Theodore," and "horrible," were the three most common responses. Then they would drop into silence and wouldn't say anything until the first person left with a, "see you tomorrow?"

It wasn't personal, it was an 'I'll put up with you' kind of thing. So, as horribly cliché as it is to say, he wasn't expecting anything different on that day. Of course, that pretty much meant that something in their exchange would be weird because that's how things are. Once you get into a regular schedule of things its broken.

"Hi." She said, turning the page in a rather large, dusty volume.

"Hi." He picked up _Curse the Evil From Yourself_, a pretty pointless book about using cleansing spells to rid yourself of negativity. "How was your day?"

"Pretty good, Ron and I aren't fighting anymore. He actually apologized." She smiled faintly.

"Really?" He was surprised, from what she told him about their fights he _never_ apologized. "That's weird."

"Kind of sweet." She replied, "how about you?"

"Horrible. I got in a fight with Theodore." He sat down, disgruntled.

"I noticed," she said dryly, turning another page. How she read that fast he didn't know. "In Defense Against the Dark Arts, right?"

"Sort of, yeah, and after that." He said, frowning slightly. "He called me a moody queer."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he's a prat." Blaise said, he'd completely forgotten that Hermione didn't know he was bisexual.

"I sort of figured that out, what with him being completely arrogant and a pompous git. In fact, he's a downright son of a bitch." Hermione said calmly. It was the first time he'd heard her curse. Well second, actually, the first was when she'd realized she wouldn't be able to cram the last half of her extensive notes into her already nine inch essay because the teacher wouldn't accept anything over ten inches. (Blaise had suspected that Professor Vector had set that with Hermione in mind).

"Yeah…" he trailed off and opened the book. "Say… Granger?"

"Hmmm?" She said, jotting down a note from the book she was immersed in.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

"What?" She snapped her head around to look at him, her cheeks slowly turning red. "Yes, I have, actually."

"Huh." He said, thinking this over. She wasn't all that bad. Not that he was considering her romantically. Hell no. He was just wondering how Ron had taken to that. After that they plunged into silence and Blaise noticed that Hermione's eyes paused to focus on one spot on the page and she bit her lip, glanced his way and then went back to reading.

Several hours later (sometimes it surprised _him_ that he was able to sit there that long) he closed the book and stood up. As he placed it back on the shelf he looked over at her, "see you tomorrow?"

"Yes." She said, still not looking up. Once again he was struck with amazement as she didn't stop reading and asked, "what about you?"

"Sorry?"

"Have _you_ ever had a boyfriend?" He froze, staring at her. How did she know? Was she just guessing? Did that mean other people could pick up clues and guess too? Was it so noticeable that he was attracted to Theodore? Did someone let it sli- wait a second! Attracted to _Theodore_?

"No," he said calmly, trying to keep his voice from shaking, both from his most recent thought and from having someone figure him out so quickly, "no I haven't."

"Don't worry about it." She said absentmindedly, "he'll come around."

He considered two possibilities. He could stay and try to figure out what she meant (which he preferred not to do because her talking presence got annoying after awhile) or he could ignore that comment and make for the exit. Taking the second option he grabbed his bag, turned on his heel and left. Madame Pince shot him a glare as his shoes squeaked and he smirked, turning them to create a shrill screech on the floor.

"Zabini!" She positively shrieked, somehow managing to keep her voice quiet. "Come back here this instant!"

His smirk faded as he was forced to turn around and march right back up to her. "Yes?"

She fixed her beady eyes on him, "I'm giving you a detention. Saturday evening, nine o'clock. You'll be serving it with another nasty little student who decided vandalizing the library would give them enjoyment."

"On Saturday?" He groaned, opening his mouth to protest.

"Now leave, you're disturbing the peace in the library." She hissed, interrupting his useless arguments.

He rolled his eyes at her, muttering, "there's no peace if you're in here," on his way out the door. Ignoring her furious demands to know what he'd said he walked back to the Slytherin Common Room, faced with another issue. Theodore. He hadn't really meant that, about being attracted to Theodore. Sure, his hair was nice enough to look at, his eyes were mesmerizing, his body was quite a sight to behold and his personality was likeable but he didn't really like him. His best friend. His annoying, attention seeking best friend who'd called him a moody queer.

It hurt more now then it had when Theodore had actually said it. Because instead of being caught up in his anger and also the hurt, he was left to dwell on the pain that comment had incensed. Especially the 'I might have reconsidered' part. Did that mean if he'd know who Blaise would end up being he wouldn't have associated with him? He'd fretted over how Theodore would react to the whole 'him being attracted to members of the same sex' thing, but when he'd actually come out he'd acted normal. Perhaps a bit forced at times, but normal.

He pushed a tapestry out of his way, taking a short tunnel that ended with him almost a kilometer away from the Slytherin Common Room.

Well if Theodore had a problem with his sexuality, Blaise would fight with him all the way about it. In fact, a fight was just what he needed. Maybe a few punches thrown here and there too, spark up his anger so he could forget about how stupid he was, thinking he might have a thing for Theodore. Maybe he'd hit his head really hard. Or maybe this was one of those times where you hit your head, have a very realistic dream and then wake up to find it was all a hallucination. That wouldn't be very good, he talked in his sleep…

If he was going to fight with Theodore, he'd rather it was without the eyes of the whole Slytherin house on him. He'd have to avoid his friend until about twelve o'clock. It was… he glanced down at his watch, only ten o'clock. His thoughts flew to the massive heap of homework he had. _May as well get it done before the weekend. Especially if I have detention on Saturday. _Most people did all their homework on Sunday. Blaise, however, did it Saturday evening. . That way, he'd have the whole day to freshen himself and do as he pleased, then he'd finish it and have the whole Sunday to do anything he wanted without the guilt of a large stack of homework nagging his mind. This worked well for him, and eventually Theodore and Draco got into that habit as well.

So he ended up upstairs on his bed with the hangings pulled around his bed, a silencing spell in place and another charm so no one could open the bed hangings. He'd like to see Theodore get that. The only way he would get in would be if he asked Blaise to open them, because he found himself pretty weak minded when it came to Theodore. But with the silencing charm in place, he couldn't ask. Well he could, but Blaise wouldn't hear him.

Every so often he would glance at his watch. Time just wasn't passing! That was until he started not wanting it to pass. He started thinking that maybe it would be better if they didn't talk or fight or anything. Then it sped up and there was nothing he could do to stop it. At 11:15, he pulled open his hangings and looked out. Everyone was asleep in their bed. Everyone except Theodore, that was.

_I can still not go, it's not like he's expecting me._ He thought silently. But he felt cowardly for even thinking it, so he got out of bed, threw on his pajamas (if they ended up fighting, he'd rather just come up and sleep instead of dressing with any pain he might feel, Theodore was known for fighting well) and slowly walked downstairs, fingering his wand.

At a first glance the Common Room was empty. If you took time to look, however, you would have noticed someone sitting on an armchair in front of the fire. Blaise made it downstairs without drawing attention to himself, he was pretty stealthy. In fact, he made it to the armchair across from Theodore before Theodore noticed he was there.

"Oh," Theodore said dully, looking up at him. "Its you."

"Yes it's me," he said coolly, "the moody queer."

Theodore glared at him, "would you just shut up about that?"

"Why should I?" He taunted, "does it bother you more that you said it or that you know its true?"

"Shut up!" Theodore hissed.

"I am a queer." Blaise said, surprising himself with his calm and acidic tone. "I am bisexual. I am attracted to _guys_. If it was the right one, I would _kiss_ him. Hell, I might even have _sex_ with them." Theodore's face paled considerably at this. "That's right. I'd have _sex_ with another _guy_."

"Yeah I know." Theodore said sharply, "I know."

"You've known for nine months now, is it just starting to bug you? Are you only beginning to be repulsed by the fact that I'm gay? Are you only now wondering what I would do if you told me you didn't want to associate with me anymore? Because I promise not to go all sensitive on you." He said this all in a mocking tone. "You're a bit late, though, with all your wondering. I've been thinking about all that for the past year and a half!"

"That long?" Theodore asked, losing his stony expression for a moment.

"Yeah, and before that was the denial thing, and the wondering if I was insane part of the whole situation." Blaise said, "do you think if someone had asked me two years ago if I wanted to be gay, I would say yes? I didn't tell you because I knew you would react like this."

"Like what? I'm not reacting at all!" Theodore said furiously, clenching his fists on the edge of the seat cushions.

"You called me a moody queer." He pointed out, his grip on his wand tightening.

"I know." Theodore said through gritted teeth.

"Does that bother you? _Moody queer? _That's right Nott, you're best friend is moody, fucking, queer!"

"I know!" Theodore roared, "just shut up!"

"Why?" Blaise leapt to his feet. Suddenly the idea of punching his friend out was very appealing. "Going through a bit of denial yourself?"

"I'm not gay." Theodore snapped.

"I said _denial. _You can be in denial about a lot of things, not just sexuality." Blaise growled back, taking in Theodore's stance. His weight was slightly forward, as though he was prepared to attack.

"What do you want me to say?" Theodore asked, desperation clawing at his tone. "I'm sorry? Fine. I'm sorry for calling you that. And I'm also sorry for calling you stunningly unattractive, because you got all pissed off about that in Defense Against the Dark Arts this morning."

"Oh…oh yeah." He'd almost forgotten about that. Feeling his willpower quiver a bit he said, "I almost forgot about that. I'm sorry too. Sorry that my best friend is a pompous, arrogant, annoying, attention seeking, prejudiced son of a bitch!"

"Well that was creative," Theodore was straining not to launch himself at Blaise. "You stole a few words from Granger's vocabulary."

"Yeah well, maybe she's been rubbing off on me."

"When have you been close enough to rub off on each other?" Theodore's eyes had an interested gleam in them, swirling in the pool of anger.

"In the library, every day after dinner. We meet there." He said smugly, noting with satisfaction that Theodore's face turned a few shades redder. "She's better company then _you_. I suppose its in your favor too, since you don't have to hang out with such a moody que-"

He was cut off as Theodore's fist connected with his jaw. He responded by throwing himself at him and dragging him to the floor, aiming several well aimed punches at his jaw. Theodore blocked several of them, rolling them over so he was on top. Had they not been fighting, it would have been quite sexual as one of them was always straddling the other.

Several cuts, bruises, a lot of blood, two broken noses, three cracked ribs and a broken wrist later they were standing several feet apart, glaring daggers at each other. He hadn't lost the fight, exactly. Theodore had a broken wrist and a lot of bruises, a black eye and several cuts. "Don't talk to me again." Theodore got out as he breathed heavily, his face flushed.

"Gladly," Blaise said, "and have fun actually doing your homework for a change, it will be entertaining to see you struggle with your own pathetic thoughts."

He turned on his heel. As dangerous as it was to turn your back on an opponent, he knew Theodore's wand was at least two meters away from him on a table beside his now vacated chair. If he moved Blaise would hear him and be able to curse him.

He wheezed slightly, clutching his ribs. This was going to hurt tomorrow. He knew that he should go see Madame Pomfrey, but honestly he didn't feel like trying to explain how he'd gotten so injured that late at night.

Gently he lowered himself onto his bed, glad he'd changed before. It took him several minutes to calm down his breathing, and several more to finally fall asleep..

-

He woke on his own the next morning, which was later then everyone else. They were all gone. He was about to sit up abruptly when a sharp pain shot through his chest. Ah yes, the ribs. With a few groans of discomfort he managed to get out of the bed. He passed a mirror on the way out and winced. His face had dried blood on it and his nose was swollen. His naked torso (that was how he slept) was covered in bruises and before he could see the condition of his side where his ribs were damaged he looked away.

The journey to the Hospital Wing was slow and excruciatingly painful. He was hoping not to come in contact with anyone, because class should be in session right about then, right? He didn't pass many people in the hall and was getting hopeful he might be able to avoid any awkward confrontations until the bell for second period rang. He was almost at the Hospital Wing and he passed by Draco (who's mouth fell open at the sight of him) and Theodore (who paled and shifted his gaze to Draco, saw his expression and looked in the opposite direction) with a hoarse, "I'm fine."

Hermione actually stopped in the middle of the hallway, a horrified expression on her face. "Oh my god," she whispered, making her way over. "What happened?"

"Nothing." He snapped, grimacing at the pain this induced. He could see Theodore and Draco watching him. "Well I have places to be right now, I'll see you later Granger." It wasn't a general comment, it was a promise.

"Maybe I should bring you-"

"I'll be fine on my own." He said, his hoarse voice was scratchy and annoying.

"You're obviously hurt." She insisted, actually looking concerned. They barely even knew each other, hell they barely even spoke to each other!

"You should see the other guy," he said in a feeble attempt to get her off his back.

To his horror she turned and looked pointedly at Theodore. "He looks fine."

"Granger, I'm in pain right now, got it?" He lowered his voice, this was attracting unwanted attention and Harry and Ron were shooting daggers at him. "I'd like to get to the Hospital Wing. I'll see you in the library tonight, even if I have to force my way out there. Okay?"

She watched him, frowning, before sighing in defeat. "Fine."

"Good." He walked away from her, well if you could call it walking, the confused voices of Ron filled the space in his mind for a few moments. Honestly, it was infuriating how annoying that red head could be.

Madame Pomfrey nearly lost her head when she saw him, demanding to know what had happened. He told her, rather sullenly, that he'd fallen off his broom into the stands and she'd looked at him suspiciously, obviously not buying it. Nevertheless she ordered him onto a bed, forced several potions down his throat and ordered him to sleep, saying he would be out by dinner that evening. _At least I get to sleep…_

-

Draco intercepted him before he reached the Great Hall that evening, grabbing his arm and pulling him into a dark corner. Theodore was standing near the door, glaring in their direction. "What?" He hissed, shaking off the hand.

"Blaise, what is going on?" Draco asked, eyes darting back and forth across the corridor.

"Nothing, what makes you think anything is going on?"

Draco sighed exasperatedly, "Theodore has been sulking for the past forty eight hours, you two aren't talking, you've never fought this long before and you woke up looking like shit this morning!"

"I'll have you know," he began hotly, "that I can hold my own in a fight."

"I know, I saw Theodore before he saw Madame Pomfrey. That's not the point, you two don't fight this long. You don't even fight at all. You have to talk to him."

"About what?" Blaise asked roughly, not liking this conversation at all.

"How you feel," Draco said and grimaced. Blaise snorted, hardly believing that _Draco Malfoy_ was trying to get him to tell other people how he _felt_.

"What do you think I need to say? Do you expect me to go up to him and confess my undying love for him?" He smirked at the ridiculousness of it.

"Not, but a simple 'I fancy you' would be nice."

"I was joking." Blaise said coolly.

"I wasn't." Draco stepped back after shooting him a loaded look and walked away from him, leaving him frozen to his place by the wall. He watched Draco and Theodore stride into the Great Hall, still unable to move.

_How the hell does he know?_

**Author's Note: Finished November 24, 2007.**

_**Please tell me what you think, I'm dying to know! The second part is done but I probably won't post it until the third one is, too. **_


	2. Stage Two: Confession

**Confession**

**Author's Note: November 26****th****. Posted December 24****th****. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice and anything else I may not have!**

**Chapter dedication: ****MissBehavior****, for being my first reviewer. So thanks! **

**Are you ready for CONFESSION!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Here we go:**

**Part Two**

_Okay so maybe I do, it doesn't mean anything. _He thought to himself as he wandered to the library. But it did mean something. It meant he had a crush on his best, male, straight friend. It made sense, of course. This was why he liked to stare at Theodore, even though his friend was oblivious to this. It explained why he had started drinking a lot of coffee, once Theodore had two years ago. He didn't really even like coffee, especially the way Theodore drank it. He used it as an excuse to put his lips on the same mug as Theodore. It explained why he could never concentrate when he was around. It explained why he always felt so…strange when he was close to him. Did Theodore know? Should he know? _I don't have to tell him. _But with that realization came a sense of desire. Desire to tell him, so he would know. But then he would be rejected and their friendship, whatever was left of it, would be nothing…

This was the worst form of…well love. When you don't realize until its too late that you're attracted to someone and you don't know what to do. Because as soon as you realize you like them, you're aware of how your heartbeat speeds up when you see them, when your skin tingles when you make contact with them, how their every feature makes you adore them even more.

He snuck past Madame Pince, who probably didn't want him back in after their last episode. He also didn't want to be reminded of his detention the next evening. He remembered her telling him there was someone else he would serving it with. With his luck it would be a first year who would never shut up.

Hermione was at their table when he got there. "Hi."

"Hi," he grabbed another book and sat down, opening it slowly. "How was your day?"

"Pretty good," she said, smiling. "Yours?"

"It was wonderful," he said sarcastically, surprised by her pleasant tone. He'd thought she would be a little angry about their encounter earlier.

"You and Theodore?"

"Yes," he said, staring at the page. They sat in silence for several minutes and then Blaise said, "hey Granger, if I told you something would you promise not to tell Potter or Weasel?"

"It depends on what it is." She said cheerfully, not looking up. _How does she do that?_

"It's not a plot to kill one of them, if that's what you think."

"I didn't think so," she said, "however I'm not going to promise not to say anything until I know what it is."

"I'm not going to…fine. I'm bi." He said, quite abruptly, "I like guys. And girls. Both. But mostly guys, I think."

She looked up and smiled, before going back to reading. "I know. And I haven't told anyone, so don't worry."

"You know?" He gawked at her, how was that possible?

"Of course, I've heard you talking about him and I've seen you together."

"'Him'? Who is 'him'?"

"You know who I'm talking about," she said simply.

"Are you going to tell Potter and Weasley? Only the Slytherins know about the whole bi thing." His voice was no more then a hoarse whisper.

"It's not my secret to tell."

"Good." He said, his tone holding a note of finality. Then they were back to silence.

To his surprise, it was Hermione who stood up to leave first. "Where are you going?"

"I've got to help someone with an essay." She said, gathering up her books.

"It's Friday."

"I know. I finish all my homework on Friday and Saturday nights. I told him I would only help him tonight or he's on his own." She smiled slightly and Blaise instantly knew who it was she was helping. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes," he said absently. "Hey, Granger? When are you going to get with Weasley?" Hermione and Ron were like a Hogwarts legend. Everyone had watched them stumble through growing up and their relationship provided a great source of amusement. It was only a matter of time before someone intervened.

She turned around, blushing a bit. "When will you and Theodore?"

_Does _everyone _know?_

-

He didn't stay after Hermione left, opting to lie on his bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering how he had fallen for his best friend. Who was also straight. And had called him a moody queer.

He was on Theodore Watch the entire way back, both hoping to run into him and praying he wouldn't. He didn't see him until he got back to the Common Room. His black haired friend was in the corner with Draco.

Upon seeing him enter, Theodore stood up while saying something to Draco, who held his arm out and looked at him, shaking his head. Theodore shook it off and made his way to Blaise, who pretended not to notice and walk to the stairs. He was intercepted as Theodore slipped in between him and his way of escape, halting him.

"Blaise, wait." He said, looking wary.

"No." He didn't even know what he was refusing. The only thing his mind could process was that Theodore's amazing eyes were pleading with him, his temptingly pink lips were open and moist, like he'd just licked them nervously. This was most likely the case, because he knew it was a habit Theodore had.

"Please," he said, "I-I just want to talk to you."

"No, I don't want to hear it." Blaise said stiffly, shouldering past him. The silent Common Room was watching him, though he didn't get a good enough look at their faces to read their emotions.

He could hear Theodore following him up the stairs, "why?"

"Because you really hurt me," Blaise snapped, rounding on him. He was mortified to find a lump expanding in his throat and making it hard to breathe, "and I can't deal with it right now."

"I'm sorry," Theodore said, running a hand through his hair. The stupid hair that Blaise desperately wanted to run his own fingers through.

"Save it for someone who cares." He snapped, turning around and moving to his bed.

"Blaise!" Theodore's voice cracked at the end of the word, "I'm your best friend!"

Blaise turned slowly, feeling his eyes watering. "Exactly." He was starting to waver in will. Theodore looked very distressed, his eyes were shiny and he was breathing shakily, clutching his hair with one hand.

"What?" He sounded quite desperate, and Blaise was beginning to feel guilty.

"That's why I can't talk to you, that's why this situation is wrong, because you were my best friend." Before he realized he'd used past tense in context with best friend he climbed onto his bed and pulled the hangings around. He sat with his knees pulled to his chest, shaking.

Before he finally cast his regular charms on his bed (his dorm members used to tease him because he liked to cast silencing charms on it) he heard Theodore say, in a completely broken voice, "'were'?"

-

Not only was he stuck on his bed for the rest of the goddamn evening with nothing to do, but Theodore's angst ridden voice clouded his mind and made it impossible to think of anything else. Never before, in their entire relationship had he heard him so upset.

With a groan he rolled onto his stomach and fiddled with the end of his comforter, thinking about how just recently Theodore's hands had been gripping it. He felt a brief flutter of excitement as an image of his friend running his fingers over the waistline of his pants came to mind. Imagine lower? If he was taking them off…

"Ugh." He muttered, _I should not be thinking about my best friend that way. _

Of course, they might not even still be best friends. He'd almost let it slip in his little freak out at Theodore, if he had continued it would have gone something like this, "That's why I can't talk to you, that's why this situation is wrong, because you were my best friend. And now, not only are you my very best friend, but I'm fucking in love with you! I want you to be more then my best friend."

That would have been mortifying.

He sighed and opened his hangings, looking around the room. Slowly he climbed off his bed and walked to the stairs leading to the Common Room. Poking his head around the doorframe his eyes swept over the room. It was quite full. Draco and Theodore were back in their chairs in the corner, Theodore looked miserable and Draco was talking to him calmly. A large group of third years were sitting by the fire, scribbling down what looked like a lengthily essay. There were a few couples sitting together on couches, armchairs, and even with their backs pressed against the walls. Various students were scattered around the room, doing homework, reading and playing games with friends. His eyes spotted Pansy sitting at a table, biting her lip and glaring down at the piece of parchment in front of her. _Perfect._

He walked briskly over to her, very aware that he'd drawn Theodore and Draco's eyes. He slid into the seat across from her, rested his elbow on the desk and leaned forward. "Hey, Pans."

"Hi." She said, scratching out a line rather viciously.

"What are you working on?"

"Transfiguration, excellent, you can help me." She thrust her essay across the table at him.

"Er…"

"You're right, you're rubbish at this." She snatched it back, read the last line she'd written feverishly and wrote some more.

"I think you need to calm down, Pans." He said slowly, "you should take a break. The essay isn't even due until Thursday."

"_What_?" She shrieked, her eyes flashing. She stood up, "I am going to _kill_ you Nott!"

Blaise jumped up and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her backwards. Once Pansy had actually used a spell to give a man the illusion that he had been castrated. The boy in question had nearly gone insane. Needless to say it was better this way. Of course the whole Common Room was watching now, and Theodore was smirking half heartedly at her.

"You told me it was due on Monday! You know I'm horrible at this! I was going to spend _all bloody weekend_ on it!" She almost slipped through his arms and he shifted his arm placement, wrapping them instead around her waist and holding her writhing body against his chest.

Draco said something to Theodore and his smirk disappeared. "Pansy calm down. I'll help you get him back later."

Then she stopped wriggling. "No," she shook off his arms and sat back down, shaking out her hair and giving no indication that she had been acting like a madwoman seconds before, "I do not want to be caught up in anything you two have going on."

He sighed, "we're just fighting. It's no big deal."

Pansy snorted in a very un-feminine way. "That's good then."

"What?" He asked, confused by her indescribably blank tone. "Why?"

"Because Theo's coming over right now." She smirked at him and leaned back in her chair. "Hi Theodore."

"Pansy," Theodore's velvety voice said, a hint of amusement in his tone. "Blaise."

"I thought I told you," Blaise said coldly, "to stay the fuck away."

Theodore was silent.

"Blaise," Pansy began, "I think you're being a bit ove-"

"Shut up Pansy." Blaise snapped, "you don't know anything about me."

"Yes, I do! I'm your friend too, Blaise. I understand you more then you think I do."

"Then you'd know why I want Theodore to get the hell away from me." He said harshly, ignoring the sharp intake of air behind him.

"You've never been very subtle with your mood swings," she said, glaring at him. "I think Theodore, Draco and I are the only ones who can actually stand being around you as much as we are. Don't reduce that number to two."

"Trust me, if anyone but him had called me a moody queer they'd be severely hurt in the Hospital Wing right now." He was uncomfortably aware of Theodore's presence behind him. He could _feel_ his body heat.

Pansy gasped, "Theodore! Did you really?"

"Yeah, he did." Blaise said simply.

"I-"

"Theodore, your presence is not welcome here." She said crisply, "get lost."

"I came over to tell you I was sorry." Theodore whispered, "if not now soon? Maybe tomorrow night?"

"I have detention with Pince, sorry." He said, making sure not to sound sorry at all.

He waited for a reply but nothing came. Instead he heard footsteps as his-could he say friend anymore?-walked away.

"You really know how to hit hard." Pansy said, watching something over his shoulder.

"What?"

She turned her attention to him, "I said, 'you really know how to hit hard.'"

"I know what you said," he snapped, "I meant what the hell do you mean?"

"You know where to strike and kill. You want to hurt Theodore and since he cares the most about you, you threaten to retract your friendship."

"He does not care the most about me!" He spluttered as his stomach flip flopped at the thought.

"Right. He's never looked this miserable when other people are mad at him. Draco is actually comforting him right now. It's the biggest display of affection I've ever seen him give in public."

"Well…" Unable to come up with a counter argument he fell silent.

"It's hurting you too." She said softly, "and he does love you."

"Love? Who said _anything_ about _love_?" He'd panicked and blurted it out before he could stop himself. Pansy wasn't stupid enough to not know what his tone meant and her eyes widened. "Oh no Blaise! Oh no, oh my god."

"Thanks for your support," he said dryly while trying to keep his voice from shaking. She stood up and flung her arms around him, drawing the eyes of a lot of people around them. "I should have known but I…oh my! Does _he_ know? Does he feel the same way?"

He shook his head, "no. He doesn't know and if you tell him I will hurt you very badly…and for your last question he's not…he's…hetero…"

"Oh, Blaise." She whispered, "I wish there was something I could do."

"I'm still alive, okay?" He snapped, feeling quite embarrassed. "Don't pity me."

"I…should we talk about something else?"

"Yes." He said shortly.

"You can help me with my essay," she brightened, "I'm rubbish at this. Well you are too… Hell," she rolled it up and threw it into her bag. "I thought it was due Monday thanks to Theodo-"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "So what did you have to do with Pince last time you had detention with her?"

Pansy bit her lip as she thought. "Erm…well I had to clean all the shelves and dust the books and stuff."

He groaned, "I'm going to be spending my entire Saturday night cleaning a library?"

She smirked at him, "I guess so. I'll be sure to drop in and say hello."

He rolled his eyes at her, "you're joking. Pince is insane!"

Pansy smiled sweetly at him, "maybe you two will really hit it off."

He made a noise in the back of his throat detailing exactly how repulsive he found that idea. "And I've got it with some annoying little kid."

Before Pansy could reply, her face had taken a guarded expression, Draco sat down in the chair beside her. "Hey Blaise," he said, "Pansy."

"Draco," he nodded.

"Did you know Theodore has detention with Pince tomorrow night, too?" Draco asked, smirking at someone behind Blaise. He had a pretty good idea of who it was. Of course, that wasn't his main concern at the moment.

"_What_?"

"I though Theodore didn't want him to know." Pansy said, looking pointedly at Draco.

"Are you hard to hearing?" Draco asked, amused. "I told you-"

"I know, I know. He's got detention with me. How? What did he do?"

"Apparently McGonagall didn't find the pick up lines he scribbled on his essay as amusing as he did."

Despite how horrified he was about serving detention with Theodore, in the library, at night, during the_ dark_ he found himself laughing. It started as a small chuckle, which led to louder sniggers until he was laughing uncontrollably. There was something funny about this whole situation. His best friend, who he fancied, had detention with him alone in the library for writing pick up lines all over his essay.

Pansy and Draco were looking at him with alarmed expressions on their faces and he tried to stifle his laughter. "W-why…are you…looking…me...like…that?" He choked out, taking calming breaths.

"Oh my god he's finally cracked." Pansy whispered, the corners of her lips twitching.

"I think that point was long ago," Draco said. "The only way I've ever know him to calm down is Theodore, why don't we call him over?"

"No!" Pansy hissed as Blaise choked and started coughing.

"Oi! Theodore!" Draco called, "come here."

Blaise stood up abruptly, all traces of humor gone. "That won't be necessary. I'm going for a walk."

"But it's almost curfew." Pansy protested, glaring at Draco.

"Doesn't matter. I've come in later loads of times."

"No offense, but you're not exactly the stealthiest of people." Draco said, sniggering.

"Piss off, Malfoy." He snapped, his temper was always a bit reactive when he got into fights with Theodore.

Draco smirked, "someone's in a bit of a teenage angsty mood."

Instead of replying he turned on his heel and left, making sure to give everyone not doubts that he wanted to be left alone. He secretly wished Theodore would follow him out, but the chances were almost nothing, unless it was to fight with him again. With a sigh he slinked into the shadows.

-

The next time was back to passing excruciatingly slowly, at least until dinner. He spent most of his time with Pansy, partly because he didn't want to give her the chance to tell anyone about how he felt and partly because she wouldn't leave him alone. He didn't really mind the company, but he did mind when Pansy would nudge him, or hiss under her breath whenever Theodore was in the same room or looking at them.

After dinner he walked to the library slowly, ready to meet Hermione. He sat down at their table, wondering if he was early because the Gryffindor wasn't there yet. He grabbed a book, sat down and stared at the wall. Why wasn't she here yet?

An hour and a half later he probably should have gathered that she wasn't going to come. All he'd thought about the entire time was Theodore. How they would get through the detention, if he should pretend he wasn't there, if he should apologize… and now he was annoyed, not because she didn't come, but because she'd broken their unbreakable chain. They were _always_ here after dinner.

He glanced at his watch. 8:53 PM. His detention would be started in seven minutes. He stood up, put his book away and began to pace. No one would find him back there anyway, so it didn't matter.

With a sigh he moved to the front of the library, where Madame Pince was probably waiting for him. To his annoyance, she wasn't there but Theodore was. He stopped short, frozen.

"I'm so sorry!" Hermione flew into the library, somehow managing to keep her voice at a reasonable volume. Ignoring Theodore she threw her arms around Blaise. "You won't believe it!" She leaned back a bit, her eyes bright and beaming. "Ron asked me to Hogsmeade!"

"That's great." He said, letting her embrace him again. "What brought that on?"

"Well…" she stepped back and smiled apologetically. "I told them I had to go to the library and Ron complained that I always went there after dinner to meet you and he said that if I was going to be snogging Slytherins I may as well do it in public. We sort of got in an argument and I told him he was being stupid if he thought I would ever fancy someone who wasn't him and," she paused to breathe, "I don't know what came over me but I-I kissed him!"

He grinned at her, something that was suspiciously like pride stirring in his chest. "Wow."

"I know," she ran a hand through her bushy hair. "I would have come but we were sitting by the fire and time just went by so fas-"

"It's fine, Granger. I wouldn't want to, you know, deprive Weasley. He's a jealous prick." He smirked as she frowned slightly, too elated to correct him. There was a small cough behind Hermione and she moved to the side, giving a nice view of an annoyed Madame Pince and an unreadable Theodore.

"Erm, Professor?"

"Mister Zabini has detention with me tonight." She said crisply.

"Oh." Hermione turned to him, "what did you do? You didn't deface a book, did you? If you did I will never-"

"Calm down, Granger. I haven't touched any books." He said, eyeing the furious glint in the librarians eyes. "Go back to Weaselbee, okay? I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She smiled broadly at him. "Thanks." With a swift kiss on his cheek she hurried from the library, smiling at a sixth year Slytherin who scowled back.

"Now," sniffed Pince, "if you'll follow me."

He fell behind her as she marched them to the back of the library. It was quite dark back there, with only a few oil lamps to illuminate its surroundings. That included two lines of bookshelves with another set of shelves running parallel opposite them. Between the two sets there was a large, dusty table. He glanced at Theodore and saw that he was staring distastefully at the books.

"You're going to clean this section of the library. Pull out the books, riffle through the pages but _one tear and I will have you thrown from the school! _Dust the shelves and then put the books in _the exact same place they were in before. _I wouldn't leave this job with such untrusting students had Professor Snape not recommended you."

He nodded, eyebrows narrowed. "Calm down woman, we're not going to hurt your stupid books."

Apparently, that was not the best thing to say. "Books are not stupid. They are the very basis of the world! Without books we would have nothing, no way to pass information through our generations and all those incompetent in the world would have no way of learning anything themselves." She snapped, her eyes nearly popping out of her head.

"Okay, okay. We get it." Theodore said, "books are your life."

She glared at him. "I'll be back to check on you at eleven o' clock."

"It's not going to take us that long." Theodore said, scanning the long rows of dusty volumes.

A feral grin took over her face, "the last nasty little children took five hours."

At their horrified faces she laughed nastily, "I'll be back at eleven."

And she left, leaving a heavy silence in her wake.

"Right. We should get started. How about you work on that side, and I'll do this side." Blaise said, gesturing to the two rows they were standing closest too.

"No, we should both start on this end on opposite sides, it will seem to go faster." Theodore protested, eyeing Blaise warily.

He looked at the space between the shelves facing one another. There wasn't much. If he protested because he didn't want to touch Theodore, it would be impossible to avoid awkward questions. "Fine."

They set to work, pulling stacks of books from the shelves, placing them on the table and flipping through them to dislodge the dust. Personally, Blaise didn't think it was very effective but didn't complain. That might provoke a conversation.

Theodore seemed to_ want_ them to touch each other, as though this might encourage Blaise to talk to him. The first time their arms brushed he'd blushed and pretended not to notice. The second time, when their thighs brushed, he'd jumped and hurried away. But when they just kept brushing each other he started getting really annoyed.

"Will you stop?" He finally snapped as their hands grazed each other while they reached for another book.

"What?" Theodore looked so surprised he actually wondered if all this contact was by chance.

"Stop touching me."

"Oh. Sorry." Theodore said, looking away.

"Right. I don't know how you can stand to be near a moody queer." He said frostily, accidentally ripping a page from a book. He'd been expecting Theodore to tense and shoot him a snappy retort, which would probably lead to a fight and they could spend the next few hours being really annoyed with each other.

What he wasn't expecting, was for Theodore to slump forward and put his head in his hands. "I made a mistake."

"I'll say," Blaise said, staring as his best friend sighed.

"I never meant to say it. I was upset and angry you left me with _Potter_ and _ Weasley._"

Blaise looked away, "you were being a prat."

"I'm always a prat, it's one of my many charms," he said humorlessly. "I wasn't serious, you know, about you being unattractive. You're not, like, ugly or anything. I mean, I'm not gay or anything but I suppose if I was, but I'm not, I'd probably think you were, erm, hot?"

Resisting the urge to grin like a madman, he simply nodded. "Yeah, well… I am sort of moody, I'll give you that. And I'm a queer too, I guess. I'm just afraid that…"

"What?" Theodore asked softly, and Blaise was aware that they were both leaning in.

"That I'll end up alone." He whispered, feeling silly. They continued in silence for a few minutes.

"Any gay guy would be absolutely insane not to like you. I could be your, you know, like wing man. Except instead of looking for girls I'd look for, well, guys."

Startled, he looked up. "Thanks."

"Sure. Plus you have Draco, don't you?" His voice was hesitant at first and they came out in a rush.

"What do you mean?"

"What if…" he looked very sorry to have brought it up. "You two might stay together, and then you wouldn't end up alone."

"Together? _Romantically?"_ He exclaimed, jaw dropping. "We're not dating! Draco isn't even gay or bi or _anything._"

"Oh." He said, "but he just… always said weird stuff about you like when you were trying to hold Pansy back the other night he said, 'imagine being that close to Blaise. And moving against him like that.' Or sometimes he'll say to me that your arse looks good in the pants you're wearing or that its good that you started playing Quidditch because when you take your shirt off to sleep you don't look scrawny or those times he pulls you into dark corners and no one can see what you're doing…" He finally got a chance to breath and he was blushing, looking away. Blaise thought this made him look very endearing.

It wasn't hard to figure out why Draco was saying those things, if he had known about Blaise's feelings before Blaise, but trying to turn Blaise gay was definitely not an option. Theodore was the straightest person he knew. "Draco and I?"

Theodore blushed, "it seemed like it. He always made slants at my sexuality, I thought it was because he was gay and wanted to make it seem like it was no big deal…"

"How long have you thought this for?"

"Since we met up on the train in September."

Blaise whistled softly, "why didn't you tell me?"

"I figured if he was your…er, boyfriend you might get defensive, that's just what you're like. I mean, you get defensive about me and we're best friends so…"

Blaise chuckled, despite his horror. He was _defensive _about Theodore and it was obvious. Theodore laughed, too, and then they fell silent.

"Hey, Blaise?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to…forgive me?"

For a second he considered saying 'no' and that he was a _moody _queer, not a sensitive one but the look on Theodore's face (besides making his stomach flip flop) convinced his otherwise. "I already have."

Theodore beamed at him and for the few seconds it lasted, it seemed that all the world's radiance was directed at him. He may have forgotten to breathe. "And Blaise?"

"Mmhmm?"

"You know that if you ever need to you can always talk to me about…well the bi thing. Always. Right?"

"Yeah. And you can always ask about it." He said, picking up his stack of books and carrying them back to the shelf.

"Okay," Theodore said as he came back with a fresh armload. "Hey Blaise?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know? That you liked guys, I mean. How were you positive?" Theodore watched him intently, gauging his reaction to the question.

Instead of considering his answer he plunged into an answer, hurrying to please his friend. "I didn't really _know _until I finally figured out I fancied someone. I'd never seen him before, they were some sixth year Ravenclaw. They've graduated now, though. If I'd understood my feelings when I was younger, I probably would've realized sooner, though."

"What's it like? Fancying a guy?"

He laughed, "kind of depressing, because I know I don't have a chance with them at all. Of course, I can't help but hope sometimes, you know. But honestly, when you like someone straight it's a lost cause."

"Hmm." Suddenly Theodore sat up straight, "you like someone now?"

"I-I did I say that?" He tried feebly to cover up his mistake, but Theodore already knew. At least he didn't know it was him.

"Wow."

"Promise you won't say anything to anyone?" He asked desperately.

"Sure."

They worked in silence, and Blaise was forever grateful that Theodore didn't ask who it was. He might not have been able to lie.

The thing was, he kind of wanted him to know. It would make him feel better, that he didn't have to try and hide his insane attraction to his best friend. And then there wouldn't be any secrets between them. Theodore told him everything now, without prompting. All his late night adventures with females from various houses, whenever something was wrong, if he fancied someone… And, though he tried to ignore it, there was the small bubble of hope that maybe, just maybe, Theodore was hiding his sexuality from everyone out of embarrassment and he might like him back.

As if that wasn't enough, he was trying to stop himself from asking Theodore if his arse did look good in the pants he was wearing that day Draco pointed it out. How weird would that be?

"So…this is really stupid, huh?"

"Yeah," he said, bringing back yet another stack of books. "I suppose I'm going to be banned from the library once she finds out I ripped one of the books."

"Yeah-"

"_You ripped one of my books?" _Madame Pince's furious exclamation came from the aisle they'd followed to find their corner.

"It was an accident." He said, cursing his bad luck. Some higher being must hate him.

"So you think it's funny?" She snarled, coming closer.

"I never said it was funny." He said slowly.

"I know what you were thinking, don't try to fool me into thinking you're innocent." She snapped, stepping into the glow of a lamp.

"Really? You knew what I was thinking? What am I thinking now?" He asked, knowing he was pushing his luck. She was entertaining to annoy for awhile, but irritated McGonagall to the point that she was willing to punish whoever had brought the insane librarian's complaints to her. Snape always let them off easy, only Pince wasn't willing to drag them to the dungeon.

"You're thinking that it will be quite a laugh to talk to your nasty little friends about your vandalism," she spat out the last words, her eyes glinting.

"No, actually I was thinking you seem to have finally cracked." He smirked as Theodore covered up a laugh with a cough.

"Why I _never-_" She glared at him, "you two, sit down. If you touch another book I will _expel _you. I will be back in half an hour to move you to check in for the rest of your detention, Mr Zabini and you, Mr Nott to supervise the outside of the Restricted Section."

"No one comes to the library this late," Theodore protested.

"Exactly." She smiled cruelly at them and then turned on her heel to leave.

"She _needs _to get laid." Theodore said, smirking.

"Not everything can be fixed with sex." Blaise said tersely.

"Yeah, it can. I don't know how I could get through the week without a long, hard sha- oh." He cut off as he looked at Blaise, an expression of horror crossing his face. "I forgot." The girls in the Slytherin House had avoided sexual situations from him since none of them fancied the idea of doing anything intimate with someone who, if given the choice, might do it with someone _they _would do it with. He didn't blame them, either.

"When was the last time-you're not a-a-"

"Virgin?" He scoffed, "hardly. Just not in the past year and a half or so. What?"

"Nothing," Theodore looked away this time and closed his mouth. "I'm just surprised."

"Huh. Surprised that the Slytherin girls are all smart enough not to hook up with someone as 'stunningly unattractive' as me?"

"No, that anyone, male or female, is stupid enough not to want to."

"Oh." He said, feeling uncomfortable.

"Blaise? Can you answer one thing?"

"Sure," he said. When he looked back on it, he would wish he hadn't said it.

"Who do you fancy?"

"It's no one," he said quickly. "Really."

"Can't you just tell me?" Theodore asked, "I want to know."

"No you don't."

"Why?"

"B-because things would be weird." He said, frantically trying to find a new topic-anything-to get the attention away from _this. _

"Blaise, I told you. I don't care that you like guys. It wouldn't be weird so you can forget about using that as an exc-"

"You," he blurted out before he could stop himself.

"What?" Theodore asked quietly, his face paling considerably.

"Nothing." He said quickly as his mind screamed obscenities at him.

"Yes you did you said…" Theodore's voice trailed off, "no. No you don't. You don't fancy me."

Before he could stop himself he was leaning forward, using one hand to cradle Theodore's head and kissing him full on the lips. Then he realized what he was doing and leapt back, biting his lip. Theodore looked frozen, his eyes wide, as he stared back.

"I-I…I'm sorry I...but I-I do." He stuttered, very aware that he was shaking very hard. Theodore's mouth dropped open slightly and he lost even more color.

"I…" Blaise's stomach dropped to the ground. "I'm…flattered."

"Yeah," he said hoarsely and fought back tears, leaning back so his face was concealed deeper in the shadows.

"Boys!" Pince's voice was like a bottle of water after being in the desert for a week. Blaise leapt to his feet and practically dashed over to her, hearing Theodore move sluggishly behind him. She squinted suspiciously at him and led them to the check in point, where he had to scribble down the date the book was returned and who had returned it.

With an irritated, "no slacking!" she led Theodore across the library and out of sight, where he was watching the Restricted Section.

Wiping his sleeve angrily across his eyes he set to work, squinting with blurry vision to make out the cramped writing in the books' checkout card. He couldn't recall a time where he had felt so distraught. It was almost so intense it was numb. How could he be so stupid? Why did he tell him? The worst part of it all was that he had to face Theodore for the rest of the year, with the knowledge that the other boy knew he fancied him.

**Author's Note: Finished December sixth.**

**Okay, so the third part isn't done yet but I will be by the end of the holidays, I know it! **

**Review review review!**


	3. Stage Three: Confrontation

**Author's Note: Wow. Part three. Nothing interesting going on right now, except the person I kind of crush on is not coming to the only class we have together, and he makes sure he doesn't tell anyone who will tell me why. It's like, his objective right now. Making sure I don't find out why he doesn't come anymore. Annoying much?**

**There's probably going to be quite a bit of swearing in this chapter. I apologize in advance.**

**Chapter dedication: To everyone that read this, and especially the ones who let me me know and reviewed! Oh, and a special thanks, again, to Ghalia for everything!**

**Confrontation**

Blaise woke up at three o'clock in the morning and could not go back to sleep. There was one thing on his mind and it wouldn't go away. _Theodore_. Why? Why had he said that? For the entire hour and half he'd spent checking books in he had mulled over it in his own self pity. He'd snuck--he could be sneaky if he wanted to!-- back upstairs whilst avoiding Theodore. He made a point of not looking at him, there was no need to see his look of horror. He probably thought that Blaise had visions of him undressing and doing naughty things. In Blaise's defense, he was able to control those now, and prevent them from happening.

He heard Theodore come in later, but when Draco asked him how detention was he didn't answer and climbed into his bed. Unfortunately, Blaise started picturing him on his bed and then what it would be like to be _with_ him in his bed. With a frustrated growl, which he accidentally did out loud, he stuffed his head in his pillow and forced sleep upon himself. It didn't actually work, of course, so he was up until twelve trying. The fact that he couldn't hear Theodore's deep breathing, coupled with the fact that he realized he was _listening _for it as though for comfort, made it especially hard.

So, after about an hour of slumber he stood up and crept from the room downstairs. With a glance around the Common Room, he left through the bare stretch of the dungeon wall that led into their domain. After all the fuss that had been made about getting caught after curfew, it was surprisingly easy to get outside and reach the lake.

There was something about it that made him relax, even if unintentionally. The water was deep and a dark blue, making it seem endless. Sometimes there would be a shimmer beneath the water, hinting that something was hovering down there. Probably the Giant Squid, which could move surprisingly fast and gracefully despite it's size.

Sitting out there, freezing his arse off and sitting on the frosty grass was peace. He didn't feel any stress about Theodore. Sure, he thought about him the entire time. Their relationship (well whatever shattered pieces were left of it), what he was going to say to him today, which would probably be nothing. All those things. But it was with a calm mind. Perhaps because he was too tired to be worried-even scared-about what was to come.

That didn't change the fact that he was. Scared, that is. He was downright terrified about the future. Everything about pretending he didn't fancy Theodore, ignoring his feelings, _everything_, was thrown out the window. Sure, he'd only known for awhile, but it seemed to him that he'd like him before for quite sometime.

Eventually he fell asleep on the cold ground, despite the goose bumps covering his half naked body. A splash of cold water woke him later and he jumped to his feet, glancing at his wrist only to find he hadn't worn his watch. _What time is it? Am I late for class? Shit shit shit!_ He looked out over the lake and saw the Giant Squid floating in the water. "Thanks," he said and took off running to the castle.

He arrived, breathless and panting in the Slytherin Common Room at 5:30 AM. With a strangled sigh he collapsed onto the couch, banging his head on the arm rest. He still had loads of time. Resignedly he dragged himself up to the dormitory, changed quietly into his robes and wandered down to the Great Hall for a very, very early breakfast.

-

"Where have you been all day?" Draco asked him at dinner that evening. "I didn't see you in class."

"I was there," he said defensively. "I was being…er…inconspicuous."

"Hm." Draco said, looking across the table at Theodore, who was seated beside Blaise. Not by choice either, but the only other option was with a group of first years.

Blaise shrugged and went back to his book, ignoring Pansy's requests for the rolls. Until he felt Theodore lean over him to reach them. His body stiffened and his back tensed. Theodore, apparently, had just remembered their _situation _as he froze as well.

"Hurry up, Theodore I'm famished." Pansy said and he felt Theodore lurch forward, no doubt from Pansy's prodding. His hand flew forward to break his fall and ended up on the bench between Blaise's thighs, while the other had grabbed onto the table. They both froze for what felt like hours, then Theodore leapt back and almost made Pansy topple off the bench. This didn't stop Theodore's hand from grazing the top of his thigh and making him shiver noticeably, and to his intense horror, make a funny noise in the back of his throat. His face flaming, Blaise grabbed the basket of rolls and jerkily passed them to Pansy.

"I, erm, don't feel well. I'll see you later." He jumped to his feet, forgetting his book was on the table and hurried from the hall. That was exactly what he thought would happen. Theodore probably thought he was running away because he was _turned on_ or something equally embarrassing. Most likely because of that noise he'd made. But that wasn't…it was…oh dear. So maybe he was…a bit. It was understandable! He was practically in love with the guy!

Hermione was in the library, as expected, only she wasn't alone. Surprise didn't describe how he felt when he saw Ron sitting beside her, watching her silently as she read and scribbled down notes. "Oh," he said and stopped, wondering if Ron was going to interrupt their schedule.

"Come and sit down," Hermione closed her book and set it on the table. "We should talk."

"Er…Weasley?" He jerked his head in Ron's direction, whose eyes narrowed at him.

"Ron will be polite, and so will you." She said, resting her hand on Ron's for a few seconds, blushed, and then re-folded them on her lap. Slowly he sat down and looked awkwardly at her, before pulling out the book Theodore--that made his heart ache uncomfortably--had lent him. This made him remember his book that was currently on the table and he hoped someone would bring it up for him.

"What happened?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him and looking a bit annoyed,

Misunderstanding, he began to babble. "I seriously didn't mean to tell him! He asked me who I fancied and started saying how he didn't care I liked boys and I couldn't help it, I just blurted it out and--"

"Wait, I was asking about what you did to get detention." She said, frowning. "Are you saying you-oh my. You _told_ him?"

"Oh." He said, feeling quite stupid. Ron was gaping at him and he found it very annoying. "Yeah."

"What did he say?" She asked, leaning in.

"'I'm flattered'." He said bitterly, "would you mind closing your mouth, Weasley?"

Ron shut his mouth quickly, his teeth making a clacking noise as they snapped together. Hermione stared at him for a few minutes, "he said he was flattered? Anything else?"

"No," he said and sighed.

"Did…anything else happen?"

"Erm…I may have…kissed him." He said, blushing furiously. At least they probably couldn't tell, what with his dark skin.

"Oh." She looked pleased and disappointed all at once. "And he didn't respond?"

"No." He said stiffly, growing increasingly annoyed with the looks Ron was giving him. "I have to go, now, Granger. Sorry."

"Wait," she said but he stood up anyway.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes." She said, frowning slightly. He hurried from the library, for some reason unable to bear talking to Hermione about his relationship with Theodore. Especially since she'd recently begun a romantic one with the person she'd fancied for so long. It was unfair, that things could work out for her and not him. He supposed he was being selfish, but in all fairness he _had_ kissed his straight friend and confessed his overly friendly feelings to him. And had been rejected.

He stormed to the Common Room, feeling anger build up from an unknown source with each step. Why was this so confusing? Why did he just _have _to fancy Theodore? This was all Theodore's fault… Why did he have to be so attractive and funny and sarcastic and sexy an-woah. It's not like he was trying to_ make_ Blaise fall in love with him.

He stepped into the Common Room, only to feel his anger dissipating into embarrassment. Really, think about it. He was gay, and totally in love with his best friend. That was never supposed to happen to him. Not in this lifetime, or the next or the next or even the one after that. Ever. But then, who plans to feel this way about their best friend?

"Hi Blaise." Pansy chirped from across the room, making everyone perfectly aware he was there. Theodore straightened immediately, his eyes darting over to Blaise and then back at his book. "Come here!"

With a contained sigh, though a visible slump of the shoulders, he made his way over to the table Pansy, Draco, Theodore and Millicent were sharing. "Hi," he said tensely. They all greeted him, with the exception of Theodore who mumbled something incoherent. "Oh, er, Theodore?"

He started violently and jerked around to Blaise, "mhmm?"

"I have your book," he said quickly as they avoided each other's gazes. The rest of the table's occupants exchanged knowing looks. He thrust the book at Theodore, who grabbed it and mumbled a quick thanks. "No problem. I'll just be, er, going."

"No!" Pansy cried, "I need to talk to you about a problem I'm having."

"I don't think that's a good ide-aa okay," he said lamely as she pulled him down beside her.

"Okay, so I totally like this guy only he's a pretty good friend of mine and I'm afraid of what he would do if I told him I like him in that way because he might reject me, only he doesn't seem to realize how he sometimes brushes against me or leans over me so I smell his cologne or that every little touch makes me shiver so I really don't know what I should do, what do you think?" She said this all very quickly and beamed at Blaise, who blushed deeply and felt Theodore, who was sitting uncomfortably close, shift.

"I don't know," he muttered, beginning to stand up. Pansy grabbed both his wrists and tugged him back down with a strength he didn't know she possessed.

"No, I really need your help. I don't want to be a complete wimp and hide from him, but if he rejected me I might be horribly upset and want to avoid him for the rest of eternity. What do you think?" At the 'horribly upset and want to avoid him for the rest of eternity' part Theodore shifted awkwardly again.

"Pansy, not now." He said, struggling out of her arms and standing up.

"Just one piece of advice." She said, smiling sweetly.

"No," he said, turning to go. She grabbed his wrist and, finally, he snapped. "Fine, Pansy." His venomous voice made half the Common Room stare at him, as he had been pretty loud. "Don't tell the person you're pretending to fancy, because they probably won't reciprocate and you'll be left empty and hurt. But then, this person isn't real so you won't feel any kind of loss."

With that, he stormed from the room up to the dormitories, horrified to find his eyes watering, both from anger and from the hurt he felt about Theodore. Why did he have to cry?

And then the tears didn't stop. They flowed down his cheeks and as much as he desperately tried to stem the flow of the salty water, he couldn't. Shaking as sobs wracked his body, he pulled the hangings around his bed and pulled his knees to his chest. Life wasn't fair. But then, wasn't that what people were always saying?

_Not people who confess they're in love with their best friend. And certainly not the gay ones. _He thought bitterly, stifling a sob. The annoying thing was, he had been crying more in the past month then his entire life. He remembered before he'd put charms on his bed, Theodore had heard him. Of course, Blaise mainly been upset then because he didn't know what was wrong with him, he thought he was insane. Every time Theodore was near him, he started shaking, his heartbeat sped up and sometimes he couldn't _breathe _when Theodore leaned over him.

_- - - - -_

"_Blaise?" Theodore's soft voice asked him three years ago. Soft footsteps padded on the floor as he came over to his bed. "Are you okay?"_

"_Theo?" He choked out. "Why are you up?"_

"_I just had a weird dream. Woke me up and I heard you, are you okay?" He pulled the hangings open and climbed slowly onto Blaise's bed. _

"_Er…yeah. I just, had a thing." He said dumbly, fumbling to come up with something to say to avoid telling his best friend he had been crying. It was such a wimpy thing to do. _

"_A thing?" Theodore repeated, unusually awake for the hour._

"_Mhmm." Blaise said, biting his lip and looking away. _

"_Oh. Hey, Blaise?" Theodore asked, "do you like someone?"_

"_Me? No." He said quietly, wiping his eyes quickly, "do you?"_

"_Maybe." Theodore said with a note of finality. Blaise didn't ask who it was, or if he would know who they were. Theodore would tell him if he wanted to, that was how things were between them. There wasn't much prying on Blaise's part. "Please don't cry," his black haired friend said suddenly. _

"_I'm not," he lied thickly._

"_Yes, you are." Theodore said, "it makes me sad when you do. Like I want to cry with you."_

"_Oh." He said, wondering how this had come about. Crying was not a topic fourteen year old boys generally talked about. Maybe it was easier since it was dark and they couldn't see each other. "Sorry."_

"_S'okay." Theodore mumbled, "I'm tired now. Are you alright?"_

"_Now you're here," he muttered indistinguishably, "why didn't you say yes to go to Hogsmeade with Pansy today?"_

"_Hmm? Oh… I don't know. We're friends, I don't want to go out with my friend." He said, sliding off the bed. _

"_I see." He said, "G'night, Theo."_

"_Night Blaise."_

"_Wait. Theodore. Have you ever…umm…you know when you like a girl? And you see her and your stomach feels, er, funny?"_

"_Sure." _

"_Have you ever…felt that for someone else? Like…a different kind of person?"_

"_Like a teacher? Ew. No. Do you fancy McGonagall or something? That's going to be all over the House tomorrow. I wouldn't tell, but what if someone else in here heard you?"_

"_No!" He said, feeling his stomach sinking. It must not be normal if Theodore didn't come to a different conclusion first. He was not normal. Maybe he was going insane and imaging he felt something when a handsome Ravenclaw looked over at him, a grin gracing his lips. _

- - - - -

"Blaise?" An hour later Draco was upstairs, having figured Blaise had had enough time to get himself together. "Don't pretend you're asleep, because I know you're not."

There was no reply and he strode over to the bed and pulled the hanging back. To his surprise, he found that the dark skinned boy actually _was_ asleep. He was sprawled out on his bed, one arm hooked around a pillow and the other laying limply at his side. He eyes were closed and rimmed slightly red, and there were a few tear stains down his cheeks. But besides that, there wasn't any obvious proof he'd been crying, and Draco knew he'd be grateful for that.

A smile graced his lips for a few seconds. Blaise really didn't deserve to have to wait for Theodore to stop screwing around. It was pretty obvious Theodore felt _something_, which he supposed could be anything since he never talked about it. Draco was observant and he noticed all the subtle and unnecessary touches, the jealousy he would often show, if unintentionally, when Blaise was talking to someone else or not paying him nearly as much attention as he'd like, and especially the longing in his eyes when the two were fighting and he would see Blaise across the room. Even his moods were a screaming sign, because he was never half as happy without Blaise as he was with other people. And all his attempts, because Draco recognized them for what they were even if no one else did, to get Blaise's attention by sneaking around with all sorts of girls, proved he was right.

Yes, Theodore Nott most certainly felt some kind of emotional, and probably sexual, too if his occasional moans of Blaise's name in his sleep were any sign, connection to Blaise Zabini, even if he didn't know it yet. He might not even know he was gay at this point. Which brought him back to the original problem, because Blaise was not only very aware he was in love with his best friend, he was now forced to wait in a pool of misery until Theodore realized it too. By then, Blaise might have moved on.

Draco Malfoy wasn't one to care about people's love lives, and he certainly didn't want to come across as too caring or anything stupid, but it pained him to see the pitiful things Theodore and Blaise did to each other. He was forced to suffer as they complained to him and was on the receiving end of one of their snappy comments just because. It was annoying.

They needed a little push, and he was definitely the person who should do it. His first move, which wasn't necessarily part of the plan, was to get Blaise to take his shirt off. All he had to do was shake him awake, tell him he should get off his shoes and Blaise would removed everything except his pants. Then he went back his former position and felt right back asleep.

"Oi! Theodore! Come on we're going flying!" He called down the stairs. Theodore came barreling up the stairs, he wasn't one to turn down flying even if it was freezing outside.

He stopped when he saw Blaise, but relaxed when he realized he was asleep. After a few seconds too long he tore his eyes away from the sleeping body and pulled on extra clothes to keep warm. Draco smirked at him. "_What_?"

All Draco did was raise his eyebrows suggestively at him and leave the room. This was going to be easier then expected.

- - - - -

It was pitch black in the dormitory when Blaise finally awoke. Fumbling through his discarded robe he found his watch. 12:32 PM.

"Damn," he swore softly. Then he heard footsteps. Quickly and quietly he resumed a position close to what he hoped he'd been in before. Theodore's bed was the only one on the side the footsteps were coming from. To his shock, they stopped outside his bed and Theodore (who else could it be) opened his bed hangings (had he closed them?) and climbed onto his bed.

His mind, despite being dazed and confused, was having a field day. Theodore was_ on his bed. _ The hangings were closed again and there was a silence full of Blaise's mind's ravings.

"I was the one who fixed your hangings, earlier. I also put up your silencing spell, I know you hate sleeping without it." At first, Blaise began to panic. Did Theodore know he was awake? But then he went on, and the way he was talking sounded practiced, like he'd done it before.

"I know you're hurt, Blaise. I hope you know that I'm sorry it's my fault. I hate when you're upset. I told you that once, but you probably don't remember. I don't mean to do these things to you, you know. Like when I said you were unattractive, and especially when I called you a moody queer. But you know I'm screwed up," he laughed softly, "if you ever found I sometimes talk to you when I can't sleep and you already are…only when we fight, of course…but we seem to be doing that a lot lately."

There was a silence as Blaise reached a stunning conclusion. "'_If you ever found I sometimes talk to you when I can't sleep and you already are…'"_ Theodore talked to him in his sleep? How many times had he lain on this bed, asleep, as Theodore poured his thoughts out to him?

"I can't…I think the real thing is…the reason I don't say this to you in person is…you're always so calm and confident, I could never picture you sitting on my bed and telling my sleeping form stuff. You don't seem worried about anything, most of the time. Not unless we're fighting. If I said this to you…you would, I dunno, _know _I couldn't measure up to you.

"You really should know how much better then me you can do." Theodore said suddenly, "for a best friend. Think about the things I've done-I do. I sleep with a bunch of girls I feel nothing for even though I know it hurts them when I'm not there the next day. I get drunk a lot, just because I'd rather skirt around any issues I've got. You should see the amount of firewhiskey I've got in my trunk. I'm a horrible son. My parents think they're failures because of me. I lie too much. Even to you, even though I feel the worse after those ones. I'll tell you I'm tired, then sneak out past you, get drunk and get laid. But then, you get drunk more then I do.

"I take you for granted, and you probably know that, too. You're too great of a friend to care. You're smart, funny, loyal, sarcastic…and you're still my best friend. The worst part is-" Theodore inhaled sharply and Blaise got the distinct impression he was trying not to cry.

"I'm such a prat," he sighed, "and even after everything you don't have it in you to leave me. You'll probably never know how grateful I am for you. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but at least I did something right. And now you…you fancy me."

Blaise's heartbeat quickened. He'd been both dreading and hoping this would come up. Theodore, however, was silent for so long he wondered if he was going to speak at all.

"I wish we could talk about this, somehow. I just don't see how you could fancy _me _though. I'm nothing, Blaise. Being fancied by you is the most flattering thing you could ever do for me, and I can't give you anything back.

"I found out today that two Gryffindors are together. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan? We saw them snogging by the Quidditch pitch. They seem really happy together. I wish I could see you that happy with someone. I mean, _fuck _Blaise. Why don't you ever just make me fear losing you? Stop making me hurt you. Why do you do this to yourself, Blaise? Huh?"

He was silent again and Blaise felt his eyes boring into him. Trying to give the illusion of sleep, he shifted a bit, sighed and said the first thing that came to mind. "Theodore…"

"I…Goodnight, Blaise." Theodore said, almost too softly to hear. Blaise felt a hand brush across his cheekbone and then Theodore slipped out from the hangings and padded back to his own bed, leaving him to wonder if he'd made a mistake.

Neither of them got much sleep that night.

- - - -

"Hey Ashley," Blaise said brightly, sitting down next to Ashley in the library. She was a sixth year Slytherin he was rather fond of. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," she said and closed her book with a snap. "I'm so sick of all this shit. Monday's are, by far, the worst days of the week. The teachers always give us more homework."

"Yeah," he said, distracted by the book on her left. His book.

"Oh," she followed his gaze, "Theodore asked me to give this to you. I don't see why he couldn't just do it himself, he lives with you but he's been acting weird lately."

"Thanks," he mumbled, accepting the thick book. His mother had given it to him for his birthday several years ago. It was a muggle book, but she'd said he may as well get used to muggles because the way things were going he'd be seeing a lot of them. This had meant a lot, given her history.

"You know a lot of people are surprised when they find out about your mother." Ashley said suddenly, "about her famous beauty. I'm not, though. One look at you and it's not hard to believe."

He almost gaped at her. Was Ashley hitting on him? "Er…thanks."

"You know…" she slid one of her small hands over to his larger one and moved her chair closer. "A lot of people have told me how beautiful _I _am." That was hardly a lie. She had smooth, pale skin and full chestnut colored hair. Her eyes were a sparkling green and she had an eye catching smile.

She was moving closer now and he had to admit to himself he was kind of repulsed by her. Not by _her _exactly, but the fact that she was a _she_. He was sure he was bisexual, he'd been attracted to a female before, but her feminine features were turning him off rather then on. Especially now she was practically on his lap.

"Have you ever wondered what our kids will look like?" She asked, leaning in closer to him. He must have been frozen, because he didn't do anything when she straddled him on the chair and kissed his jaw. "I have."

"Oh?" He mumbled stupidly. What was she _doing_?

"Mmhmm," she murmured and kissed him on the lips. This sent danger bells off in his head.

"Ashl-" He said, moving his hands from their slackened position from his sides to her waist, trying to get the grounds to gently shove her away. Of course, this was misunderstood and she gripped the front of his shirt, pulling him closer and ravishing his mouth so he couldn't get another word in.

It felt weird. He was aware of her tongue slipping through his lips, but not of any kind of good sensation people associated with kissing. He could feel her body pressed against him, but it made him uncomfortable as opposed to aroused. If you were really into snogging someone, as Theodore had once said to him back in their third year, you don't really think about anything. You let it happen, and you don't even realize where your hands are until you have to let go. Well he could feel his body and her body, not blending or fitting together perfectly or anything stupid like that.

"I think it was right around her-oh!" He felt a bit of panic as he recognized Draco's voice. But more so when he recognized the small gasp. Theodore was there too. All he could see was Ashley on top of him and his arms on her waist. _Oh fuck. _

Ashley broke away from him, panting slightly and not looking disheartened at all by his lack of response. "Oh. We were just, well you know." She smiled coyly at Draco and an understanding passed between them.

"Sorry to interrupt your…yeah." Theodore said, staring at Blaise.

"Yeah," he said, not quite knowing why he wasn't denying that anything had happened. Because nothing_ had_ happened.

"Ash, you said you needed my help practicing for Charms." Draco said.

"Sure," she said, carefully sliding off his lap. Blaise looked once more at Theodore's guarded face and went back on everything he had ever cautioned himself against.

"Ashley," he said and she turned around. Grabbing her tie he pulled her back, kissed her soundly and then released her. She stood there, dazed for a few seconds and he felt satisfied. He still had the power to daze people, no matter the sex. "See you," he said softly and she locked eyes with him, a smirk gracing her lips.

"Mmhmm." She waltzed away with Draco and they began talking feverishly once out of earshot.

"You and Ashley, huh?" Theodore said in a bland tone.

"No," he said, wishing they would come back or he could come up with some kind of excuse to leave.

"Oh, I just thought that since you were-"

"You shag girls you feel nothing for, who are you to lecture me on relationship shit!" He blew up, snatching his book from the table.

"I'm sorry," Theodore said quickly, "I'm sorry. Calm down."

"Oh, and thanks for making Ashley give me the book you picked up. It was really thoughtful of you." He said sarcastically, watching Theodore flinch because of his harsh tone.

"Will you stop snapping at me so I can say something?" He hissed, stepping closer.

"You just did say something," he said and Theodore rolled his eyes.

"Very mature of you, Blaise."

"What do you want me to do?" He asked furiously, "act like everything is normal? Because its not!"

"Why can't-" He made to move around Theodore and the other male caught his wrist.

"Let _go _of me." He said in a low voice. Or as low as he could make it while Theodore was holding onto him. "Or I'll hex you."

"No you won't," Theodore said, smirking. Blaise drew out his wand, quick as a flash and shot a stinging hex at Theodore's hand. One cry of pain later and he was free, sprinting from the library with his heart racing and his wrist tingling.

"Oh my god," he breathed out, jumping into a nearby classroom and closing the door quickly. Skipping lunch would be a good idea. He'd just gorge himself on dinner, which would be followed by a big chocolate cake Ashley always asked the House Elves to make her on her birthday.

He could just avoid Theodore, eat chocolate cake (the House Elves _always _made it the best) and then sneak up to the dormitory and have an early night. It was a good plan. And the cake was really good.

- - - - -

Dinner itself wasn't so bad, they ate slowly and he struck up a conversation with Millicent that lasted for almost the whole meal. He finished eating and the dessert appeared, along with several large chocolate cakes that made Ashley beam.

"Mmm," Millicent hummed as she bit into a piece.

"Yeah," Blaise said and smiled as Ashley let out a shriek and hugged someone beside her. Ashley liked to make a huge deal out of her birthday and hold a big party in the Slytherin Common Room that often caused Professor Snape to come and tell them to at least show up to all their classes and not look like they had a hangover, because it would look bad for him. Oh, and they needed to quiet down, because he couldn't sleep.

It wasn't hard for the other houses to find out why the Slytherins always left dinner as one and arrived for breakfast late. In fact, Harry and Ron took it upon themselves to annoy the hell out of Draco because they knew he would have a hangover and none of them ever had a potion to cure it. In fact, the teachers probably knew it too. They weren't nearly as stupid as they liked to assume.

He stood up with Millicent and they walked back to their dormitory together, chatting about…well he wasn't quite sure _what _they were talking about, Millicent was rambling on and on and he decided to let her go at it. And then he felt sick. Slytherins…they could be pretty wild. When they weren't intoxicated, so when they were…especially Theodore…and Theodore always found _someone _to snog passionately with.

"You know, I don't think I'm up to the party tonight." He turned to her, only to find she was gaping at him.

"Why? This is the only party Snape actually doesn't try to confiscate our firewhiskey at!"

"I'm not in the mood to watch people make out." He said, _some more then others._

"Draco!" Millicent called and he groaned.

"I just don't feel like-" He stopped talking abruptly. Theodore was with him.

Millicent informed Draco of her and Blaise's conversation and he frowned. "Why aren't you coming?"

"He said he doesn't want to see people snog."

Draco looked at him sharply. "Oh. Well if you don't stay down for at least an hour, I swear to god I'll drag you back."

"I can do what I want. Why are you making such a big deal about the fact that I don't want to go to a party? This is ridiculous" He snapped aggressively.

Draco twirled his wand around his finger, "is there someone in particular you don't want to see engaging in physical contact with someone else?"

That basically settled it. Under no circumstances would he admit he would be jealous of whatever girl got to snog Theodore senseless. "Fine, I'll go." He said grudgingly.

Draco smirked. "Good. It will be fun." _For me, anyway._

- - - - - -

By ten o'clock that evening, every member of the Slytherin House in year five and up was completely drunk. The younger students (who hadn't been able to obtain any alcohol) sulked upstairs and the older ones made absolute fools of themselves downstairs. Blaise was completely smashed and talking to Ashley.

"Glad you came?" She giggled drunkenly.

"Nope," he said, a slight slur in his words. "Look at everyone," he gestured around wildly, "getting it on!"

"They've always been doing that." Ashley chuckled. "Is there someone in particular you don't wanna see?"

"No!" He exclaimed loudly. "Yes." He giggled as she shot him a sly smile.

"What about…him!" She pointed to Theodore, and was disappointed to find he was sitting _alone _on a couch and scowling at everyone. "Hey, he can't do that!"

She grabbed Blaise by the arm and dragged him over to Theodore. "Hey! Theodore," she giggled, "are you lone-ly."

Blaise laughed and had to get his balance on the couch. "Theo-do-re," he focused very hard on pronouncing his name right, it wouldn't give much of a good impression if he didn't! "Why aren't you gettin' it on?" He and Ashley started laughing hysterically while Theodore watched, bemused.

"How drunk are you, Blaise?"

"Shh." Blaise put a finger to his lips. "No one needs to know I'm drunk. Not that I _am _or anything." He said louder, looking around and laughing.

"I think you should go to bed, now." Theodore said, watching him lean against Ashley. They both stumbled, and Ashley fell against Theodore. She giggled and Blaise growled loudly, so Theodore looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

"Ashley, get off." He said softly and she stood up, swaying slightly.

"Oh Theoooodooore," she said, "why don't you and Blaise just shag already? Man, you guys are so annoying with all your-your avoidance and your fighting and…and your pretending. Sheesh! Just grow up." She frowned at Theodore and, unable to keep a straight face, laughed.

"Asshler," he said, "you are insane, woman. Theodore here," he waved his hand at Theodore, "is completely un-attracted to me. I am just not a sexy beast. I am more like a pretty, soft little bunny. Oh, a fat bunny too. Fat bunnies are cuter. You may call me Chuckola of the Jungle Bunny." He laughed at this, not understanding where the though process had come from. "He is one though. Theodore is on _fine _sexy beast. Yessiree."

Theodore stood up slowly. "Come on, Blaise. I'm taking you to bed."

"What?" Blaise squawked, "no, no, no you silly beast. We can't do _that_."

Theodore frowned and tried not to laugh at his completely inebriated friend, "I meant I'm taking you upstairs so _you _can go to sleep."

"Oh." Blaise sounded slightly disappointed, which did not go unnoticed by Theodore. "Well I don't need you to take me there, I can walk perfectly fine!"

He strode forward, lurching with every step but able to keep standing. "See!" He pointed excitedly to his feet and tripped over them in his haste to turn around.

Theodore helped him up and wrapped one arm around his waist and Blaise threw his arm around Theodore's shoulder. "Theo you cooky bastard," he laughed.

"Honestly Blaise, you know you're absolutely ridiculous when you get drunk." Theodore said exasperatedly as they began to clumsily climb the stairs.

"Theo! Shhh! No one knows I'm drunk, it's our secret." Blaise giggled, looking over his shoulder at the Common Room.

"Of course." Theodore said, "Blaise you really should stop drinking so excessively."

"I do not…actually I do. Ha-ha, fancy that." He chuckled and opened the door with his free hand. "It helps."

"How?" Theodore growled as Blaise fell forward onto his bed.

"Because I forget. I sometimes forget about you and I stop thinking about if I might be in love with you." He chuckled, "I have a good chuckle when I think about this, because you know what? I didn't ever even _know _I loved you-or just fancied you, whatever it is-until recently."

Theodore bit his lip and looked away as he pulled off Blaise's shoes. "Go to sleep."

"No!" Blaise protested, "I don't sleep with so many clothing items on!" He rolled over and struggled to pull of his shirt, growling until there was a resounding _rip _and it tore down the middle. "Ha! I beat you, you stupid piece of shit!"

"Calm down, Blaise." Theodore said, rolling his eyes and averting them from Blaise's body.

"I am calm! Do I look uncalm to you?" He pulled his pants off and flopped back on the bed, kicking them to the floor.

"No, you look drunk." He said, sitting down on the end of Blaise's bed.

"What are you doing?" Blaise asked, pulling away from Theodore.

"If you fall asleep or throw up, you could choke. Besides," he crossed his legs, "I'd rather be up here than down there."

"Oh." Blaise's face suddenly lit up and he jumped in front of Theodore, crossing his legs in a similar fashion. "So Theoooo, you and Snapey?"

"No. Not me and Snapey."

"Oh. He lets you call him Severus, does he?" Blaise waggled his eyebrows. "Or Sev? What do you say in bed? _Oh Sev! More! More!_" He grinned as Theodore grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head with a sour expression on his face. "Theooo and Sev-Sev sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-I-N-I-G!"

"Shut up." Theodore muttered, glaring at his drunk friend. Blaise giggled and continued his song until Theodore grabbed his shoulders, "Blaise. Shut up."

He hadn't needed to be told, as he'd stop singing--even _moving_-- when Theodore had grabbed him. "Do you have any idea," Blaise spoke softly after a moments pause, "how much I want to kiss you right now?"

Theodore's eyes widened as the dark skinned male went on, "but I won't. Not unless you wanted me to. And Theo, you sexy little beast, I don't think you do." He leaned back with a goofy smile on his face. "I want to sleep."

Theodore sat, frozen, as Blaise settled down with his head resting in Theodore's lap. "Mmm. Night Theo…" Blaise mumbled and his hand found Theodore's, gripping it as he fell asleep.

- - - - - -

"My head hurts like _hell_." Blaise moaned as he woke up the next morning. The curtains were closed tightly and all the lights were off. "Holy _fu-"_

"Good morning, er, Chuckola of the Jungle Bunny. Something wrong?" A soft voice was talking to him and he sighed. _Theodore._ "Not feeling much like a sexy beast, are we?"

He pulled his comforter over his head to hide his mortification. "Fuck." He moaned into his pillow.

"I've seen you drunk hundreds of times, Blaise. This was no different."

"Did I call you a sexy beast the other times?"

Theodore laughed and he growled. Theodore was laughing at his pain and he found this very un-amusing. "Not quite."

"Did I…oh no." He moaned, "_Snapey_?"

"Yes, that was one of my favorites." Theodore smirked, "your version of the song was quite interesting. K-I-S-I-N-I-G?"

"Oh shut up." He snapped, "I was drunk."

"Shh. That's our secret." Theodore laughed, "anyway we've all decided to skip classes today. The House Elves have been told to bring us up breakfast in ten minutes."

"Mmhmm." He said, shifting so he could see Theodore through the massive pile of blankets. "Coffee?"

"Yeah. Lots." Theodore grinned at him and he blushed. They both looked away awkwardly. "I'll see you down there?"

"Yeah."

This wouldn't be weird at all.

- - - - - -

"Hey Blaise." Ashley sat down beside him and started talking. She'd been talking to him a lot more then usual lately.

"Ashley," he mumbled and finished his second cup of coffee.

"Please don't be mad but…" he felt hands gripping his forearms and turned his head, seeing Vincent and Gregory behind him. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know." Vincent grunted, "we were asked to help Ashley."

"Let go of me." He jerked his torso to loosen their hands, but their grip only tightened. "What do you want?"

"You and Theodore," she smiled as an expression of fear flashed across from his face, "need to sort out your problems. We're helping you along."

"What the _hell_! Let me go!" He struggled against them fruitlessly. Not only were they quite strong, he had a horrible migraine and was very tired.

"Sorry, but no." Ashley smirked as a resounding shout of annoyance was heard outside the entrance to their Common Room. Theodore was dragged through the door by several boys and three girls. "Oh good, I'm so glad you could make it, Theodore."

"Fuck off, Monroe." He snapped, glaring at her. "What the fuck is going on?"

"Theodore, watch your language." She admonished playfully as Draco smirked from his position on the Slytherin couch. "What kind of impression are you giving our dear Blaise?"

Blaise scowled, "just get to the point."

"Oh, there really isn't a point. You two just need to let some of your feelings out."

"Oh," Blaise laughed humorlessly, "I've already done that. It didn't go over so well." His head was pounding and he gave up trying to pull up away from Vincent and Gregory.

"Whatever _are _you talking about?" Ashley asked too innocently.

"None of your business." He snapped and threw a glance at Theodore. He'd expected to see the same anger he felt reflected in his eyes, but all he saw was those amazing eyes staring intensely at him. "Er…Theodore?"

"Is there something you'd like to share, Theodore?" Ashley looked over at him and he didn't look away from Blaise as he answered. "No."

Blaise felt his face heating up, both from Theodore's intent staring and because he licked his lips, letting his pink tongue glide over his smooth lips. Not that he knew what Theodore's lips felt like. Actually that was a lie. He may or may not have touched Theodore's lips while he was sleeping once, but only because he wanted to know if they really were as soft as they looked. They were.

He was very thankful for his dark skin right then, but of course certain people could tell when he was blushing. Like Theodore, for example.

Silence filled the room, so heavy he felt it dragging him down. Theodore simply watched Blaise, who shifted under his gaze and stared at a spot by his feet. Ashley sat down beside Draco, who smirked at her and nodded slightly.

"Let me go." Theodore said quietly, not struggling. The group holding him looked at Ashley, who looked at Theodore and then Draco, who nodded. They released their grip and he walked slowly forward to Blaise until he was right in front of him.

He was barely aware that Vincent and Gregory had released him because Theodore was so close, what did it matter? Too close, now. Much too close. He couldn't breath, he needed to touch him, to kiss him… "I can't do this." He murmured softly and tried to move around him.

Theodore stepped in front of him and tilted his chin up. "Theodore…" he breathed out, quite sure that his heart was beating loud enough for everyone in the silent room to hear.

Theodore kissed him.

Everything seemed insignificant. His head wasn't hurting, not now that Theodore's hand was weaved through his hair. It didn't matter that he felt like he might collapse, Theodore was pressed against him. Maybe this was all a dream, but for now he was really there with Theodore, and that was all that mattered. It sure felt like Theodore's tongue was caressing his bottom lip. The Slytherin sixth and seventh years might be watching him experience the thing he'd wanted for so long, even if he hadn't realized it until recently. But as long as he was here, wrapped up in Theodore's arms, it didn't matter.

But there was still a small, so small it barely existed, part of his mind asking what this meant. Did Theodore understand what he was doing? Did Theodore know what he was doing to Blaise? Was this all so people would leave them alone? What gave him the right to spring this attachment on him, anyway?

With as much willpower as he could posses, he pushed Theodore away from him and felt around for the couch to give him support. "What the hell are you doing?" His voice came out raspy and unsure.

"I…" Theodore looked lost. "I don't know."

"Don't fuck around with me until you find out." He snapped harshly and made to move around him.

"Blaise-"

"What?" He whirled around to face the person he'd come to dread and long for in the past week. "What do you want me to do? Tell you its okay to mess with my affection because I'm so in love with you I'll take whatever I can get? Let you kiss me and then watch you figure out what you _are _doing? No."

"I-I meant…don't go." Theodore said, his eyes wide and slightly red. Blaise thought back to the night when Theodore was talking to him about things he would probably never say in person._'"Why don't you ever just make me fear losing you? Stop making me hurt you."'_

"I'm leaving. When you figure it out, come talk to me. If you don't, just leave me alone. It'll take a few months to get over you, probably, but after that maybe we'll be friends again." This whole 'make me fear losing you' thing was hard to do.

"Blaise." Theodore said but he turned away and left.

- - - - - - -

He hid in the library for the rest of the day, as humiliating as it was to do. No one disturbed him as he wallowed in self pity, hardly believing that in the span of ten minutes he'd been kissing Theodore and rejecting him.

Rejecting Theodore. It was something he'd thought he would never do, and yet he'd done it anyway, destroying even the foundation of their friendship until all that was left was the smoldering ruins. There were two things he could picture happening.

One: Theodore would confess that he'd been harboring a crush on Blaise but hadn't realized it until they'd kissed. Very unrealistic and there was a lot of wishful thinking.

Two: Theodore would tell him it was a mistake and he could spend the following months getting over him. This was also very unrealistic. Blaise didn't know if he _could _get over Theodore. Not after they'd actually kissed, their lips had touched and he'd felt Theodore so close…

"I can't believe they were _all _absent today!" Hermione's snappy voice broke through his thoughts. "The _nerve! _Exams are so close!"

"Hermione, they're still months away." Harry spoke in an amused tone and Blaise stiffened. They were coming closer.

"Yes, they are. Until those months have passed and suddenly exams are tomorrow!"

"Thanks for that astute observation. Time does, in fact pass, Harry. Who would've thought?" Ron said sarcastically, still coming closer. The two males laughed.

"I expected this of _Malfoy _and the others, but surely not Blaise? He seemed to value his school work." She sounded concerned, despite her anger.

"Unless he's got a hangover." Ron muttered and Harry chuckled.

"He does drink too much, I've noticed that. But he's not an alcoholic." They were on the other side of the book shelf.

Blaise leapt to his feet and crept to the opposite side they were on, so when they turned the corner he could slip to the other side and hurry out of that section.

"Hmm." Ron said, "maybe he's with that guy you two were talking about."

"Theodore?" Hermione said, "I don't know. Why would everyone in their House not show?"

"Maybe they're planning something." Harry said, ever the suspicious one.

"Possibly." He slipped around the corner of the shelf and hurried forward, dodging out of their view and hurriedly exiting the library.

- - - - -

Blaise was sitting in the right corner of the left side of the Common Room when Theodore came through, looking like hell. He looked at Blaise, who had his knees pulled to his chest and was staring at the blank wall in front of him. Then he collapsed onto the couch.

"Hello Theodore." Draco sat down across from him and inspected his nails calmly. "How are you?"

"How do you think?"

"With a brain, Theodore." Draco said, rolling his eyes. "Surely even _you_ know that."

"Not funny." Theodore said, annoyed. "This is the least funny thing I've ever experienced in my life. Look at Blaise." He pointed into the corner, where their friend was staring at the wall.

"That was your fault." Draco said, watching him. "You kissed him, not me."

"Tell me, honestly, that you didn't have some hand in that confrontation and I'll leave you alone." Theodore snapped, throwing another glance at Blaise.

"Theodore, listen to me." Draco leaned in suddenly, dropping the volume on his speech. "It shouldn't matter whether I did or not. What matters is what happened. What is going to happen. Do you know what you're going to do? This is your friendship with Blaise. Obviously something made you want to kiss him. When you find the answers to that, whether I'm involved or not is irrelevant."

Theodore thought all this over in silence, before voicing his thoughts out loud. "What happens is…up to me, really. Whatever I decide. What if I make the wrong choice?"

Draco sat back, "how will you know?"

"I don't know. Fuck, Draco." He cursed, "why am I talking to _you _about this?"

"Because I'm brilliant." Draco smirked. "Now, Theodore. _What are you going to do?_"

"I…I've got no idea."

"Hm." Draco went back to examining his nails, "you know you're not making this any easier. Why did you kiss him then?"

"I wanted to." He said stupidly.

"Why?"

"Because…because he was staring at me and then I couldn't stop looking at his lips and then he blushed and I don't know it was endearing and I couldn't help it I just really wanted to touch him. And I was thinking about all sorts of other times, in the library when he kissed me and when he says my name when he's sleeping and I-I," he heaved a deep breath, "I think I might _fancy _him, Draco."

Draco stared calmly at the worried Slytherin in front of him. "Hmm. And he likes you back. The horror."

"He's too good for me, though." Theodore said, feeling his stomach sink.

"Blaise doesn't care." Draco said, "he wants _you._"

"But…"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No." Theodore said, frowning.

"Then why, may I ask, are you still sitting here?" They held eye contact for several seconds, until Theodore sprang to his feet. He whirled around, only to find Blaise wasn't there. Panic seized him, where was he? Irrational ideas filled his head, including several scenarios in which Blaise had withdrawn from Hogwarts. Draco's bored voice interrupted his thoughts. "Upstairs."

"Thanks." Theodore said, sprinting up the stairs and pushing open the door to the seventh year dormitories.

- - - - - - -

The walls in the Slytherin Common Room were strange pieces of material. At first glance they were gray, but if you looked at them, _really looked_, you'd notice the specks of black in there, and how it sort of looks like a mixture of blue and purple in some places. There were no crevices or cracks at all, only rough texture that seemed to extend into infinity.

Nothing compared to Theodore's skin, of course. There were no scars there, nothing to interrupt the smooth plain of his body except the muscle. He'd watched Theodore flex before, it was truly amazing. Of course, he'd left quickly after that, their dormitory got awfully hot. He wished he could run his hands over Theodore's torso (though he wouldn't object to anywhere else), just once. Just so he could keep it ingrained in his mind.

Blaise sighed bitterly. Why would they put blue and purple in the Slytherin Common Room? He'd spent the past hour and a half sitting on a ledge, staring at the wall. It wasn't really that interesting, but he kept up the façade that he was enjoying his time there. It was better then the looks people shot him.

He felt eyes on him and turned his head slightly, seeing Theodore looking at him and talking to Draco. He turned his back to them. Five minutes later he felt eyes on him again and stood up, darting up to their dormitory.

He stared at Theodore's bed and couldn't help but run his fingers over the duvet Theodore slept under each night. _Think about the other things he does under there. With girls._ He wrenched his hand away and turned to his own. Not nearly as fascinating. He bet Theodore didn't look at _his _bed when he wasn't there. He sat down with a frusterated sigh. _He does talk to you in your sleep._

The door banged open, stopping him from pursuing that thought. Theodore stood there, his face flushed as he took in Blaise's person. "Blaise." He spoke his name softly and strode forward, successfully freezing Blaise to his spot.

"Yes?" His voice was higher then normal and he flushed.

And then Theodore pulled him up by his tie and kissed him soundly on the lips, wrapping his arms around Blaise's waist to pull him closer. "What are you doing?" He spoke against Theodore's lips while his hands moved of their own accord to Theodore's hair.

"Kissing you." Theodore breathed, nibbling his lower lip and he stifled a moan.

"Why?"

"I want to." He purred and Blaise let himself go, let himself experience this as he wanted to without worrying about what would happen later.

As often happens right after someone decides to just go with it in a life changing moment, someone interrupted them and opened the door with a bang. They jumped apart, Blaise withdrawing his grip in Theodore's thick hair and removing his arm from around Theodore's waist. He felt hands pull away from him and nearly growled.

"Oops." Someone giggled, all Blaise saw was two blobs hurrying back out. His head was occupied by far more important things. He turned back to Theodore, wanting very dearly to snog him again but forcing himself not to.

"Theodore?"

"Blaise?" Theodore took his hand and squeezed it.

"Are you… do you…what?" He struggled to find words.

"Yes, I suppose I am." Theodore smiled faintly, "I do…er…I do like you, Blaise. You know that right?" He stared intently into Blaise's dazed eyes.

"Like I like you?'

"Yes." Theodore leaned forward, grazing his lips across Blaise's. "Exactly like you like me."

"Oh." He felt dizzy. "Are we?"

"I want to be. Do you know why I drink so much coffee?" Theodore murmured.

"No."

"Because it reminds me of your skin." He inhaled a shaky breath, "And Blaise?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" There was no hesitation, only a sense of strangeness at saying those words.

"Yes." He couldn't express his happiness in words, so he settled to snogging Theodore again. Perhaps life was a bit fairer then people thought. Or maybe just for gay people who confess they're in love with their best friend.

This was bliss.

- - - - -

The couple that had caught them snogging had apparently told everyone about their encounter, so it wasn't a shock to see grins hidden behind hands when they came down the next morning.

That was how the Slytherin House knew.

Theodore and Blaise both skipped breakfast and lunch and spent it in the kitchens, preferring to avoid the stares of the school for the day because they thought the Slytherin House would let it slip. Of course, the Slytherin House only lets things slip if they want to, so it turned out that no one else knew.

They got through their classes with subtle touches, a hand here, his knee resting against his knee and sharing secret smiles. Hermione probably noticed but he didn't care, she was actually not that bad and he didn't even roll his eyes when she spent five minutes explaining the theory of transfiguring someone in their Animagus form back to their real form.

At dinner Blaise was restless. Theodore had been kept late by Professor Vector. Draco kept snapping at him to sit still and not look over at the entrance so much. It was annoying.

"Shut up, Draco." He snapped back half-heartedly, eyes trained on the wooden doors.

"I wish he would just get here already." Draco said, rolling his eyes at Vincent. "Oh look, there he is." He said, as though he hadn't noticed Blaise's demeanor brighten considerably as Theodore strode into the hall. He locked eyes with Blaise and they both smiled.

"How sweet." Not even Draco's sarcastic and slightly mocking tone could annoy him.

Blaise ignored Draco as Theodore sat down, he rested his hand on Theodore's leg for a few seconds and then began eating. "What did he want?"

"Asked me if he could keep my essay, apparently it was amazing." He rolled his eyes, "he kept Grangers too."

"Oh, was she there too?" He asked, barely aware of Draco's presence.

"Yeah, actually you talked to her for a few minutes after class." Theodore said, drinking some pumpkin juice.

"Oh, I must have been distracted." He smirked coyly at Theodore, pleased when this elicited a blush from him.

"Fancy a walk after dinner?"

"Sure," he replied, Hermione would understand. If she knew, anyway.

"Blaise?"

"Theo?" He turned, calling Theodore a nickname he'd come up the previous night as they laughed over memories of his drunken state.

Theodore was looking at him, his gaze smoldering. Before he knew what he was doing he pulled Theodore forward and kissed him, responding with enthusiasm when his boyfriend kissed him back fervently.

When air became a necessity, they pulled away. _Screw breathing. _He was suddenly aware of the hall staring at them. The staff looked a bit surprised, but Dumbledore smiled at them kindly. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaw stared, but without hostility and most of the older students seemed to be saying, 'finally.' The Gryffindors looked surprised, as oblivious as they were, with the exception of the only one who really mattered. Hermione beamed at him, her eyes bright and warm from across the hall. She nodded to him and mouthed, 'go,' while using two fingers to symbolize walking. He nodded.

That was how the school knew.

He turned back to Theodore, who had been gazing at him the whole time. He blushed and leaned forward again, why refrain from gaining a days worth of missed kisses?

"You what I just realized?" He murmured, glad when chatter resumed in the hall.

"Hmm?"

"You're a moody queer now, too." He smiled against Theodore's lips.

"As long as I'm yours."

**Author's Note: Words don't even express my happiness, and unfortunately I can't snog Theodore to let it out, since he's off with Blaise –pouts- This is the first story I've finished, and its 59 pages! Sheesh, I almost made 60! This last part was the longest, I'm pretty sure. It's done! As in, I can go to the stories section and change this from 'in progress' to 'complete'! My first fanfiction completion! It's quite proud of myself.**

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, it was so amazing to have your support. Ghalia, you are an angel or something brilliant. Oh, and to everyone out there who does Theodore/Blaise slash, because I've probably read it. XD. I sound like I'm giving some sort of acceptance speech, but I'm seriously on air! So thanks so much1**

**Oh, and that guy? I do not like him anymore! I can hear the hallelujah chorus now!**

**Review review review! (Last chance!)**


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